'AITA for refusing to talk to my fiancée after she secretly replaced my wedding dress with a cheap copy to save her money?'
"AITA for refusing to talk to my fiancée after she secretly replaced my wedding dress with a cheap copy to save her money?"
I am 27M and my fiancée is 27F. We're getting married in February. In our culture, the groom buys the bride's wedding dress and the bride buys groom's wedding dress. The groom's dress is called "Sherwani" and the bride's one is called "Lehenga". To keep things fair, the price range for their dress is decided in advanced.
We're a little sentimental about our wedding clothes, and we decided to go on a higher end. We chose a popular wedding attire brand and did all the shopping together. She picked this lehenga of her choice and I also found a marvelous piece of Sherwani.
My choice was a little more expensive than hers, but it was still within the price range we had set. Both of us agreed and finalized the clothes. We didn't bring them home immediately, because they needed some customizations according to our body measurements.
She was supposed to pick my dress when it was ready after a few days and send it to my home around 1 month before the wedding. I had to do the same thing too, and I did.
I received my Sherwani from her 2 days ago. My whole family was so excited and had a close look and multiple trials, when I realized that, although it looks very similar, it's not the dress I picked.
The quality is not up to the mark that I remembered. The stitching and finishing are nowhere as good as the one I had seen in the showroom. There was no brand tag behind the collar too.
At first I assumed that we got played by the seller. But went to my fiancée first and told her everything. I then told her I was planning to confronting the seller. This seemed to cause her to panic.
She tried to make me think that I was wrong and it was the same dress. She said she checked it before sending it to me, etc. Basically, she got kind of anxious when I was heII bent on going to the showroom.
In the end, she confessed that it was indeed not the same dress. But it was not the seller's mistake. She had picked up a cheaper copy and sent it to me even though we had set same price range for our dresses.
Her excuse was is that she "presumed" that my dress would be less costly than hers, as women clothes are generally heavier and fancier here and she thought that the Sherwani I selected was good but not "worth" that price.
I asked her (in a lightly pissed tone) why she didn't share her views before the purchase. She had no solid answer. Just for clarity, we both earn decent and the price range was mutually fixed. She frequently spends on what I feel are expensive make-up products.
I picked up the dress and went to her home, showed her how different it is from the original, how disrespectful, heartbreaking and trust breaking it is to secretly change your partner's wedding dress for saving some cash.
I see no reason other than her being stingy for doing this to me). I was super disappointed, left that dress at her place and came back home. We are no contact since then.
I believe she's the one very wrong here, so she should reach me out. My family was initially hurt too, but now they've started to say to not "overreact" as it might come to our wedding. AITA because I'm still taking my stand?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. I think you have some hard decisions to make on whether this is someone you want to marry.
NTA. She changed your wedding dress without consulting you and then lied to you about it. I would be absolutely livid and would postpone the wedding. She is cheap. She is a liar. She disrespected you. She is selfish and entitled. I venture to say that she has shown these tendencies on other occasions and you have overlooked them. Good luck, I think you will need it.
NTA, budget worries are to be discussed pre-purchase.
Solid-Importance-190 (OP)
For me, It's less about budget and more about the disrespect and betrayal.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Don't marry a selfish liar!!! She will ALWAYS pull this disrespect because she feels she deserves more than you & better than you AND she DOESN'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!! Meaning she definitely WON'T ever change! NTA but YTA if you go through with the wedding!!!
NTA this is a bad note for your future together. She would rather lie, manipulate and trick you than have an honest conversation. I would pause the wedding.
Dude, this woman legit tried to SCAM you. Lehenga and Sherwani tells me you are Indian so of course her family is also involved and supported her in deceiving you. Rethink this marriage if it’s arranged and rethink the entire relationship if you guys have been together for a while. NTA.
Lying about money is never a great start to a marriage. Nor is the fact that she seems to think she deserves nice things but you don’t. I think you need to have a good long think about whether you can trust this person.
NTA. This kind of subterfuge and deceit before you even get married is a huge red flag. The betrayal is enormous, and the fact that she doubled down and tried to gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong? You are starting your married life based on a massive lie.
What else is she capable of, moving forward into your marriage, if she had no problem with this right at the very, very beginning? You have a lot of thinking to do. This is how she will behave all through your marriage. Constant lies and betrayals and cheating and trying to skim money. NTA.
NTA… I am from your culture. I would never do that to my partner without a discussion. Imagine if you did that to her…. She would be pissed and it would be the end of it. She violated your trust and agreement.
She needs to stand by the original agreement, apologize and you need to have some serious discussions about honesty cuz this behavior will happen again. She probably wanted to use the extra money for herself and her things.