'AITA for refusing to keep planning my brother’s wedding because of his fiancée’s behavior?'
"AITA for refusing to keep planning my brother’s wedding because of his fiancée’s behavior?"
ConnectAd4414
A little back story: Went NC with my family at 18. Had my first kid at 19 with my husband that I’m still with today. He is 48 and our age gap is the main issue with my future SIL. I reconnected with my family when i was 24.
I (27F) was basically acting as my brother’s wedding planner for free. This is because two years ago, my cousins wedding planner dropped off of the face of the earth and I stepped in to help and everyone loved what I did because I swear to God, I’m the only person in that family with even a smidgen of organizational skills.
My future SIL (27f) is a bit of a nightmare to be honest. She keeps making comments about how I got with an older man for the money and so now I sit around all day doing nothing (I’m a stay at home mother now that I’ve had my second child).
I try to ignore her but I reached my limit last week when she made a comment to my daughter (8F). Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother and I wanted to make this experience spectacular and cost effective for him.
I’m a hairstylist so I agreed to do the wedding party’s hair for free as my wedding gift to them. I hooked them up with a make up artist I know who’s giving them a discount, and the caterer is a friend of my husband who is giving them a lot of freebies.
Now that I’m no longer involved in the process, everyone is charging their standard rates and they are looking for a new stylist. Last week, I was at my brother's place with his future in laws discussing hair styles.
His future MIL is currently in the process of regrowing her hair after chemo so I was deciding on a wig vs extensions. While I was focused on her, my future SIL was with my daughter and she asked her if she thought it was cool that ‘mummy married her daddy so she doesn’t have to work’.
I asked her what she thought she was doing, and she said she just wanted to see if my daughter knew that I married my husband for the ‘money’. I packed up immediately and left. I called my brother to tell him I would no longer be helping with anything, which then lead to the other parties i brought in raising their prices to standard rates.
My brother thinks i’m being childish because now my actions are going to cost them an extra few thousands that they might not be able to afford. He thinks i’m an AH for not ‘doing it for him’ like i was before. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in the response to the OP's post:
tatersprout
NTA. Maybe he should talk to his future wife about what is polite and what is rude and tacky. She is out of line and her mouth got her in trouble. Your marriage and husband's age is not her business. Who even says that to a child? It sounds like she is very jealous that you aren't struggling.
Dear-Midnight
NTA. You're doing her a favor, the least she can do is be polite. If she can't be polite, you have every right to nope on out of there.
TheVaneja
NTA they both are. The nerve of repeatedly insulting a future family member who's helping you save hundreds or thousands of dollars. I wouldn't even b willing go anymore after all this.
The OP responded:
ConnectAd4414
Oh I’m definitely don’t want to go anymore.
chaserscarlet
NTA and the fact she decided to involve your 8 year old child is despicable. I don’t know wtf your SILs problem is but it screams of jealousy. I thought this story would be your family being worried your husband took advantage of you given the age gap but this is just…ick.
kmsonthedaily
NTA but jesus. 19 & 40? Your husband needs to have his hard drives checked asap.
NGDGUnpunished
What is it about this woman your brother loves? I can't imagine. Good for you for drawing a line with this witch. Give them a gravy boat and wash your hands of this disaster. Brother better get a prenup because that marriage won't last and she's all about $$$. NTA.
The OP again responded here:
ConnectAd4414
She’s hot, that’s pretty much it.
kimba-the-tabby-lion
NTA. I actually think you had no choice. You can't let your child be near a person that whispers poison in her ear. Who knows what vile thing she will say next? So practically, even if you somehow wanted to keep doing it, it would mean time time away from your daughter as you would have to leave her with a sitter or your husband.
squirrelsareevil2479
NTA. Tell your brother that it's not your actions that will cost them thousands extra, it's the consequences of his fiancee's actions. Nothing you did created this situation. If she can't bring herself to be minimally polite to someone who is helping them so much, she can't expect that help to continue.
Tell brother you love him and were more than happy to help but you expect basic civility in turn and SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BROUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER INTO IT. Talking to your daughter about her vile opinion means going scorched earth.
Beneficial-Eye4578
NTA. Look you have a 20 year age gap. People will comment on it. BUT you are an adult and are presumably in a good relationship. Your future SIL is a massive A H because she involved a young child in her mess.
Your responsibility is to protect your child at all costs from this situation. Do not let SIL be anywhere near your kids ever. That should be made clear even to your parents.
But more than anything talk to your child and tell her that your future SIL is jealous and mean and talking bad about her Dad. That you love her Dad and love your children. Reassure your child so this doesn’t fester in her mind.
Again, the OP responded:
ConnectAd4414
Of course i reassured my baby as soon as we left. She knows that she is very loved and that her father and I adore each other.
Upbeat_Music6793
NTA I’m gunna need an update on this please.