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'AITA for refusing to allow me and my fiancé’s BFF to propose at our wedding?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to allow me and my fiancé’s BFF to propose at our wedding?' UPDATED

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"AITA for refusing to let me and my fiancé’s best friend propose at my wedding?"

For some context : I F26 met my M26 fiancé in college along with our two best friends we’ll call them John M 26 and Holly F26. They’ve also been together since college like me and my fiancé. So we’ve been inseparable since going on double dates and trips together and have had an amazing time post college.

My fiancé proposed to me last year and it’s all been very exciting wedding planning has been stressful and exciting and Holly is my bridesmaid and John is my fiancé’s best man. Our wedding is February next year and in the midst of planning last night John came over to our house and said that he wanted to propose to Holly! Me and my fiancé were over for the moon for him and I was excited for another wedding!

So I asked him when he planned to propose and that we’d be down to help with the proposal and everything. He smiled and then said that he was thankful and said that he’d love to propose to Holly at our wedding. Before I said anything he showed me a video of a bride giving her bridesmaid her bouquet instead of tossing it and then the man proposing he then said I’d love to do something like this.

I was sort of speechless as was my fiancé. So he then asked us would that be okay. I took a deep breath and said no John it wouldn’t be okay. As much as I love you and Holly and more than happy for you guys are getting engaged I don’t want that done at my wedding but I’d be more than happy to help you plan a separate event and I think Holly wouldn’t be too thrilled to get proposed at someone’s wedding.

Holly had told me before that she found people who get engaged at people’s weddings tacky. I told him that but he wouldn’t budge. He got angry and said we were being selfish by not allowing him this one small favor and if the roles were reversed he’d say okay in a heart beat. I reiterated to him that Holly wouldn’t want this and she’d want her own event.

He kept saying you’re lying you just don’t want us to be engaged you just want all the attention to yourselves. This is where I might feel like I’m the a$$hole. I blew up at him and called him tacky and cheap! I said us and our families aren’t not shelling out thousands for you to propose at our wedding.

It’s embarrassing you can propose to Holly even a day after or day the before or even the day of but just not at my wedding or venue. Holly will cringe and find it embarrassing. He said he didn’t think he’d been friends with such selfish and rude people for all these years. My fiancé reiterated everything I’d said and then My fiancé told him to leave and he left.

Now it’s awkward Holly has no idea what happened and we all had a trip booked for next month and now I don’t want to go. I’m very upset with John and he hasn’t apologised. I don’t know what to tell Holly I don’t want to lie to her but I don’t want to ruin the surprise of her possible proposal. A part of me feels bad but I want to stick to my guns.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. John's idea is tacky. You and your husband should be the only focus on your wedding day. Holly wouldn't even like it. There are literally no upsides to this. I can understand he's bummed his first idea wasn't a hit, but he needs to get over it and go back to the drawing board.

said:

NTA. Making someone else’s day about you IS tacky and seems like a lazy way to do a proposal with not much thought. I’d go as far as saying to John that if he can’t respect YOUR wedding maybe he shouldn’t go

said:

NTA - he called you rude and selfish?? Someone who gets mad because the couple getting married wants the attention on themselves ; has he ever been to a wedding???

said:

NTA. No one should propose at someone else’s wedding what is about people not understanding this?! Not really sure what to do in your situation now is a bit of crap 1, I would hope that John would talk to someone else about this that would make him see sense.

said:

how boring and unoriginal do you have to be to propose at someones wedding. he obviously doesnt love holly that much if he thinks thats the kinda proposal she deserves. also why tf would he even ask if he wasnt going to take no for an answer. if anyone is selfish its him.

NTA and i would reevaluate this friendship. this guy has possibly cost himself a friendship all because he cant take no for an answer, seems like he has some issues

said:

NTA. John's reaction is very weird, to blow up the friendship over this issue. If Holly talks to you, I would say you and your fiance had an argument with John, and if she wants to know more she should talk to John first.

That way you won't spoil the proposal. Of course John will paint you in the worst light, but it's likely this friendship is over anyway. Then hopefully she will reach out to you to hear your side. I would not go on the trip, it's sure to be awkward.

Three weeks after her original post, she shared this update:

John came over again and apologised profusely. He apologised for the name calling and said he was bummed out because his idea which he thought was a good one because of all the videos he’d seen had been shut down. He said that he should’ve listened to me when I told him that Holly has stated before she finds those types of proposals tacky.

He said that he should’ve taken no as an answer and there was absolutely no excuse for the way he spoke to us and would understand if we no longer wanted him at the wedding. He said that he was angry with himself At possibly losing our friendships over an idea which had no pros to it whatsoever.

He also said that Holly deserves her own moment with the proposal and he’d love my help with planning it if I was still open to it. I did tell John I don’t want the stress of him possibly hijacking our wedding because of how he reacted to us saying no. He said that would never happen and he’s decided to propose to Holly on the trip or during the holidays.

He’ll let me know so I can help which I’m happy to do so. He said that it’s our wedding and he was crazy and apologised for calling us selfish when it’s our day. Me and my fiancé did accept his apology. We did have a conversation after the argument that if John apologised we’d accept his apology and also we’ve never had a disagreement of this scale ever.

We’ve gotten along for all these years. Despite this I don’t think and my fiancé agrees it’s worth burning John’s bridge he’s apologised and he’s genuinely a kind and amazing friend this is just a weird blip we’ve had with him. Thank you so much for all the comments and judgments!

Sources: Reddit
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