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'AITA for filing for divorce because my husband over tightens all the jar lids?'

'AITA for filing for divorce because my husband over tightens all the jar lids?'


"AITA for filing for divorce because my husband over tightens all the jar lids?"


His over tightening jar lids has been an issue since he was just visiting at my house when we were dating. First it started with just things he used and then over time it became every SINGLE glass jar with a metal lid.

He'd tighten them so much I couldn't open them without assistance. It wasn't a huge deal if he was there, but if I was alone, it was so annoying. More times than I can count, I've opened a new jar of something because I couldn't get the jar open.

It's been a recurring cycle over the past 5 years. It's just a thing that would escalate until I had a major meltdown and freaked out, screaming, frustrated and seemingly crazy because it's just a lid.

Then it would get better for a while, then it would slowly become an issue again. Just getting worse and worse until I reach a breaking point again. Sometimes I literally feel insane for being so upset over jar lids.

He initially claimed that he did it to 'keep food fresh'. After many arguments about it, and my insistence that I don't believe that foing that keeps anything fresh and, even if it does make things last longer, I don't care if it means I can't eat my freaking food when I want. I'll just replace things that go bad because they are closed normally. Then the excuse was that it's a habit.

So, about a month ag,o my husband had a family emergency and had to travel out of state for 10 days. The first day he's gone, I discover a jar I can't open. I was annoyed and was going to the store to buy new pickles when the neighbor said hi and to let him know if I needed anything while my husband is out of town. I said wait here and got the jar which he opened.

The next day I saw him outside and asked him to open another jar. He offered to come open all the jars. I agreed and he came in and he went to the fridge and opened all the jars except 2, which he couldn't get open.

I thanked him profusely and told him I'd baked some of his favorite cookies later in the week. He laughed and said it was no big deal and after confirming that I wouldn't be upset if the remaining two jars were destroyed in his attempt to open them, he took them home to his garage to open them one way or another.

He said that he's heard me screaming about over tightened jar lids a few times over the years and he's really pondered if I was crazy or if my husband was really over tightening the jar lids.

He said you know this was intentional. It was every jar, and I'm sure he doesn't regularly use hot pepper paste or mango puree or any of your other fancy cooking stuff. Then he held up the two jars he couldn't open and said, I don't know why he's doing it but it wasn't an accident.

After he left, I locked the door and sat on my kitchen floor and cried. Then I felt hot and light headed. I vomited in the trash can. My chest hurt. It crossed my mind that I might be having a heart attack. I thought about calling an ambulance but sat back down on my kitchen floor instead, okay with just dying if it was a heart attack.

Later the neighbor came back with the opened jar of hot fudge and apologized that he couldn't save the figs. He said he broke the jar trying to get it open. He also apologized for what he said about my husband doing it on purpose. I assured him it was okay.

I couldn't sleep that night. Tossed and turned all night. I called out of work. By 10 am, I realized that I couldn't stay married anymore and I made an appointment with a lawyer for the next day.

There are literally no other issues, no cheating, no abuse, we had a good love life, both have good jobs, nice house, no financial issues. He was absolutely blindsided when he came home and I told him I wanted a divorce.

He still won't admit that he tightened the lids on purpose. He suggested we go to marriage counseling, but I refused. There is no point. I just literally can't get past the FREAKING jar lids. I still feel a little bit crazy about that.

I have no idea why he would tighten every jar lid so tightly that I couldn't open it. He has given me no reason. He still won't even admit that he did it on purpose. But the hot pepper paste is in the back of the fridge. I use it only when I make Indian food.

It's behind other things. He's never used it. It's nothing you could put in food without cooking it. The pepper paste could not have been an accident. It couldn't. Maybe he put mango puree on his toast or in his oatmeal, but the pepper paste couldn't have been an accident.

That's what my life comes down to. I'm getting a divorce because the lid to my hot pepper paste was over tigh. If it had been every jar except that one, I could try. I could have a sliver of doubt. I could do something else but I just can't get past the hot pepper paste. Most of our friends and families either think I'm crazy or an AH. What do you think?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


My ex told me he just didn’t hear our two babies when they woke at night. Too tired, just didn’t hear them. I believed him. When the younger kid was 3, the ex told me he’d lied! Smiled about it. ‘I knew you’d get up! Of course I heard every time’. Divorced him 6 months later. Like you, it stuck in my craw.


Flames, on the side of my face. What a monster.


Breathing breathless... heaving breaths... HEAVING!


I'm not a violent person but oh man, I'd be seeing crimson.


And I feel seen. Really, though, I dont understand why he won't just admit it. She literally leaving him and he won't just admit it.


Because then he's actually a bad guy in everyone's eyes. Currently, she's probably crazy to everyone around her, who can't believe someone would do something so unhinged. It's easier for people to believe someone is a little paranoid and crazy, than that someone is maliciously spiteful and premeditatively nasty.


Her response to any criticism should be that it's not about the Iranian yogurt the jar lids, it's about him going out of his way to make her life harder. He knows he's causing her problems. The cruelty is the point.


Oh l, I just made my husband sleep with the baby while I slept in another room far away. He tried weaponised incompetence, and I decided then you shall have more responsibility!


I'm like you. I wouldn’t start a fight, I would just buy a bassinet, and however many nights a week (depending on both of our work schedules) I would just put the bassinet in our bedroom and tell him the baby is his responsibility tonight and I’m sleeping in the spare room. Any weaponized incompetence I combat with a “google it and then practice until you get it right”. I’m a problem solver not an enabler.


What an ah. I am curious why he admitted he lied? Was he throwing it in your face or just basking in the glow of how clever he was?

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

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