'AITA for finally asking for the apartment back after my niece’s 'temporary' stay turned into four years?'

"AITA for finally asking for the apartment back after my niece’s 'temporary' stay turned into four years?"

Okay so little bit of background, my parents own a 3 apartment house. I live on the main floor w them, my sister’s on the 2nd, and my niece (her daughter) has the top floor. That top apartment was actually supposed to be mine originally. I even helped pick stuff out when they remodeled it. but when it was done my niece moved in “for a while” and that was like 4 years ago lol.

I didn’t say much cause I didn’t want drama, figured it’d be temporary, but it’s been YEARS and I still have no space of my own. Meanwhile I’m the one here helping my parents w everything, bills, chores, appointments, whatever, cause they’re getting older and need more help.

The whole reason I was supposed to have that apartment is so I could be close by and still have some privacy. My niece makes good money, she could totally afford her own place nearby. I can’t right now. Then recently she started dating an old friend of mine, someone I really don’t want in my life anymore. she brought him over w/out saying anything and it honestly pissed me off.

I know I can’t control who she dates but I don’t think it’s crazy to be uncomfortable about it. She also dated my best friend before and I lost that friendship when it ended. And her mom (my sister) has a secret thing going on w my other best friend’s married dad that’s probably gonna explode eventually and somehow I was the one everyone got mad at for being upset. so yeah it’s been a lot.

Anyway I finally texted her and said I need the apartment. told her I’ve waited long enough, I’m not trying to screw her over or make her move tomorrow, but it’s time to start planning cause I need my own space. Also said just please let me know if she’s bringing that guy over.

Instead of just talking to me about it, she ran and told her mom who told my mom, and next morning I wake up to my parents already mad at me. my dad said I can’t tell her to move out and he won’t either. so basically nothing changes and I just have to “deal with it.”

Now everyone’s acting like I’m selfish or trying to start crap. I love my family but I’m honestly just done being the one who has to keep quiet and live uncomfortably so everyone else can feel fine. So AITA for finally saying I need the apartment back and that I’m not ok w how things are?

For the record the problem isn’t her dating that guy or bringing her to her place, the problem is her bringing him into MY home and without even a warning. I’m also aware that I have the option to move out and I’m looking into that but I do care deeply about my parents and don’t want to leave them alone. And since people are confused both me and my niece do pay rent for our spaces.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Curious-Compote058 wrote:

ESH. You should have talked to your parents, who own the house and are letting everyone live there. You also should have talked to your niece in person.

I guarantee you, no one but you has been thinking that your niece has been living in "your apartment" for four years. Everyone else thought that different arrangements were discussed, and then your parents gave the place to their granddaughter. The time to object would have been then.

It's wild that you just TEXTED her saying "give it back". We're talking about her home of four years, not a shirt she borrowed. They haven't been great to you either, not at all, and I'm sorry for that. But you guys are operating from different set of facts and everyone needs to get on the same page.

First up, you need to talk about how everyone in the house is going to pitch in equally, financially and care-wise, to take care of your parents. If they say you have to move out to get your own space, that's their prerogative, but you needs to calmly make it clear that living there comes with additional responsibilities your sister and niece will need to shoulder.

On the second part, it's totally fair to ask for a heads up on guests that upset you. Asking for a heads up so you can make yourself scarce is not banning someone from the house, it's a healthy way to navigate the situation.

MaeSilver909 wrote:

You should have moved out years ago. Find your apartment & let your sister & niece care for parents. You’ve paid your fair share. Quietly put a plan into place—don’t become a victim or a martyr. Hold your head high and leave.

Equal-Jicama5989 wrote:

You should have had this conversation with your parents. It's not your call to make. If you were promised that apartment, it's for them to fulfill the promise in exchange for you taking care of them. If you don't like the situation, stop taking care of them.

Get a regular job and save to move into your own place. If parents don't like it, they can start an eviction process which should take just long enough to get your own apartment. Your sister and niece can be the caregivers.

Lighthouse_on_Mars wrote:

NTA. Move out, let your sister and niece take over your responsibilities. Don't even give warning. Find a place, have some friends come help you pack up and move when everyone's out of the house. And just go.

They will never see your side of things. They have trained you to be a doormat. Nothing you say will change their mind and you will always be in the wrong in their eyes. Time to take care of yourself and move out and move on.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit: Yall pretty much just solidified what I’d been thinking, that I need to move out and distance myself from them, I guess I kinda just wanted to hear some opinions on the situation.

Also everyone saying I should’ve talked to my parents first trust me I have, her forcing this old friend into my life was just the straw that broke the camels back and I decided to ask for the apartment not kick her out. I’m aware this wasn’t a great choice and it’s not my decision to make but I’m fed up with waiting. I’ll start looking for some roommates.

Here's what people had to say to the update:

blueflash775 wrote:

OP - move out. Don't discuss, inform or otherwise communicate. Get it sorted and do it when everyone is out. Block them. The only communication you need to do is to tell your best friend's mother that her husband is cheating on her with your sister. NTA but you will be if you stay.

Individual_Cloud7656 wrote:

You've been the AH for for years. You can ask for the apartment which you won't get so you can either leave or continue to be a doormat. I know I'm being harsh you need to hear it. You should also get into therapy to help you stop being a people-pleaser. Next update I want to hear that you've grown a spine, you're moving out, and you didn't fall for the gaslighting which they will definitely try.

panic_bread wrote:

NTA, but it’s not your niece who is TA here. It’s your parents. They made a promise to you and then broke it and have made it clear that they don’t care about your comfort.

Move out and let them deal with the mess they made.