'AITA for finally snapping and defending my MIL from her 'adult toddler?''

"AITA for finally snapping and defending my MIL from her 'adult toddler?'"

I (47F) have been married to Keith (48M) for 15 years. His sister Kat (53F) has always treated their mom, Kathy (78F), like garbage, with full parental permission. Their dad (recently passed) was the ringleader of “Let Kat Do Whatever She Wants,” and everyone else was expected to sit quietly and endure it. For 15 years, I did.

Fast-forward to last week at a restaurant celebrating my late FIL’s birthday. Kat immediately starts her usual performance: mocking her mom’s drink order, shaming her fears, and whining about how Keith was “the favorite.” Even the waiter tried to rescue Kathy at one point, but it did no good. Kathy said she felt like a child being talked about in front of adults. Kat ignored her.

So I finally spoke up, calmly. Apparently that was a crime in their family. Kat exploded, screamed “SCREW YOU!” on loop, tried to get Keith to “control” me, and then stormed out without paying her very large tab when he sided with me. Absolutely on-brand.

Later, Kathy scolded me for “not letting family act how they want,” which in this family apparently means “free bullying, no consequences.” I apologized for upsetting her, but said that I’m not enabling this behavior anymore.

Kathy & I texted about it the next day. Kat stole onto her mom’s phone, read our messages, & declared she’s cutting us off. Both of them texted me about how I am the problem. I told them I was setting my boundaries, not exiling anyone, and that if Kat didn't want to learn how we all really feel about her maybe she shouldn’t read other people’s texts. Shockingly, no response.

My husband is fully on my side and has defended me, but neither one will listen to him. According to the two of them, I am the sole villain in this circus. AITA for refusing to sit quietly while my MIL gets verbally pummeled by her 53-year-old grown toddler of a daughter?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

NotTheMama4208 said:

NTA but that isn't your biggest issue here. If husband is on your side, and Kathy is okay with taking the disrespect, there isn't much else you can do.

cassiesfeetpics said

YTA - your MIL enjoys being treated that way. why isn't your husband choosing to stand up for his worm of a mother?

sc0tth said:

YTA. If Kat was going off on you, that's different. If someone needs to tell her what she obviously needs to hear, it's your Husband or his Mother. Keep out of your In-laws drama is a very good boundary not to cross.

BothTreacle7534 said:

NTA. I’d enjoy the break, and ignore SIL.

TheSparklyHellHound said:

NTA - "Sorry you feel the need to cut me off because I think Kathy deserves more respect from you." That's it. Let them do whatever they will.

Predd1tor said:

NTA, but you’ve said and done all you can, and ultimately, this is on Kat and Kathy. Kat for her crap behavior, and Kathy for a lifetime of enabling it. Her defending her crappy daughter over the person coming to her defense tells you all you need to know. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Glad your husband‘s on your side. Sounds like your life will be more peaceful without the Kat and Kathy show!