'AITA for financially screwing over my sister after finding out she’s close with my ex and his new wife?'
"AITA for financially screwing over my sister after finding out she’s close with my ex and his wife?"
Usually, I wouldn’t take personal advice from strangers online, but everyone in my life seems to think I’m a petty, scorned, bitter woman (which I probably am), and I need objective advice. My ex-husband (currently 43M) and I (43F) were college sweethearts. For me, life felt perfect. I trusted him completely.
That’s why it was so shocking when I found out he was in love with his much younger colleague. She was around 24 at the time. I won’t get into the details of how I found out, but the affair was well-known at his workplace. When I confronted him, all he said was, “I’m sorry. I tried really hard not to fall for her.” He didn’t seem sorry at all. It felt like he wanted me to leave him. So I did. That was six years ago.
Our son was four then, and it was the worst time of my life. I honestly don’t know how I got through it. And because I was desperate, I wanted him to fight for me, to fight for our family. But he didn’t. He was quick to sign the divorce papers and didn’t even fight for custody. It was as if he had started a new life and completely erased the old one.
It took years of therapy to feel normal again, to stop checking that woman’s social media and comparing myself to her. The fact that she’s very pretty and charming didn’t help. His family loved her.
And as disgusting as it sounds, one of our common friends even said it out loud, ‘I don’t support cheating but I mean, look at her’, when I told her about the cheating. I guess that’s what everyone was thinking, this one was just stupid enough to voice it out. So I had to cut off that group of friends too.
They got married three years ago and now have a daughter. A picture-perfect little family. The current arrangement is that our son stays with my ex on weekends and holidays, which works fine for the most part.
Last week, I found out my sister (28f) has been in touch with my ex all these years. That would’ve been forgivable, since they were close when we were married and she saw him as a brother. But she’s actually best friends with his new wife. And she kept it from me for six years.
I only found out because she left her phone at my house, and I saw several texts from the wife. When I asked her about it, she just brushed it off and said it wasn’t a big deal. I told her she can do what she wants, but I will be cutting her off completely (I was helping her pay her college loans lol). and going no contact.
She called me unreasonable and said I’m being petty and unable to move on from something that happened a long time ago. She also said the wife is a lovely person and a good friend. She said she will be fucked, financially speaking. I told her to go screw herself. Somehow, my parents agree with her. So, AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Fire_or_water_kai said:
So your sister only cared to have you pay her loans. That's why she kept it a secret, and that's why you shouldn't feel bad cutting her off. She needs to ask your lovely ex and his wife to foot the bill from here on out. NTA.
OP responded:
I know. She clearly chose a side during the divorce but pretended to be on mine for the money.
Wadewilson101 said:
NTA, anyone who sides with a cheater is probably a cheater themself. Maybe your sister can ask your ex and his wife to help instead seeing as how they are best friends
OP responded:
It’s strange, and I honestly don’t know what level of pretty privilege this is, but no one seems to care what they did. They see two attractive people and act like that justifies everything. The cheating doesn’t matter because they’re easy to look at. If nothing else, it made it a lot easier for me to cut a lot of people out of my life.
avid-learner-bot said:
NTA, OP. Honestly, I'm kinda shocked your sister hid her friendship with them from you, I mean, she's your sister. I once helped my brother hide a surprise party for his wife, but this... yeah, this is different.
OP responded:
Yup. Six years, countless interactions and not a word.
Embarrassed_Loss_584 said:
NTA. Sooner or later one of those perfect people will cheat again and you can eat some popcorn while all their friends take sides.
OP responded:
I don’t doubt that. But honestly, this woman worships my ex. From what I’ve heard, she pursued him despite knowing he was married. And he didn’t resist. He’s a despicable human being, and so is she.
Photobuff42 said:
Why the hell do your parents agree with your sister? I hope you get some therapy to deal with all the users in your life. NTA.
And OP responded:
My ex and my sister were pretty close all those years we were married. I mean, she’s known him since she was a kid. So they think it’s not fair for me to want her to cut him off completely. I would’ve been fine with that but again, she hid this for six years. And being close friends with his wife is just pushing it too far.