'AITA for refusing to pay my babysitter after the way she 'disciplined' my daughter?'
"AITA for firing my babysitter over the way she 'disciplined' my daughter?"
I’m a single mom to 3 girls, (Sophie (2), Addie (4), and Evie (8). Their dad was in the military and passed when I was pregnant with Sophie. I just got a new job that mostly aligns with the kids school/daycare schedule but I work late on Wednesday nights.
A friend of mine is going through a divorce and her ex husband is being difficult about child support so I asked her to babysit on Wednesday nights. In my opinion, the job is pretty simple. She gets there at 6, dinner is at 6:30 (always mac and cheese.
I make the sauce before she gets there so she just has to boil the pasta and add the sauce), after dinner they get to play until 7-7:15, they each get a melatonin gummy, they watch bluey until 7:30-7:45, then everyone uses the bathroom, brushes their teeth, and goes to bed. All of the girls share a room, their pajamas and comfort items are laid out for them, and I have a stack of books out for bedtime stories.
Everyone gets tucked in then sitter reads 3-4 stories until everyone’s asleep. Evie occasionally has a hard time falling asleep so I told the sitter if she’s not asleep by the 4th story sitting on her bed and rubbing her back tends to get her to sleep within a few minutes. Sitter turns off the lights, turns on the night light and sound machine, and gets to hang out on the couch until I get home.
I have all 3 girls sharing a room for a reason. Evie has anxiety and is scared to sleep alone. My younger two feel safer when their big sister is sleeping next to them. Putting the three of them together is the best way to get everyone to sleep. She knows she can get her own room whenever she wants but it’s not something I will force on her.
Last Wednesday I guess Evie wasn’t sleeping and kept insisting on more stories. My friend told her to lay down quietly or sleep in the guest room and Evie started to cry. My friend picked her up, put her in the guest room, and stayed in front of the door to the girls room to prevent her from going back to bed.
When I got home close to midnight Evie was still awake and was crying her eyes out. I didn’t find out what happened until the next morning. When my friend confirmed what happened and called it discipline I told her she wasn’t getting paid for that night and would no longer be taking care of my kids.
Now she’s saying I’m overreacting and my kids are spoiled and have behavior problems. I have mutual friends saying I’m screwing her over over a temper tantrum and saying the money I pay her is her entire grocery budget. Now I’m wondering if not paying her for Wednesday and firing her was an overreaction.
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:
ESH. You established a bedtime protocol that works for you and your girls, and you asked the babysitter to follow it. She deviated from it and is unapologetic about it, so any reasonable person would fire her. That having been said, you should pay her for the hours that she worked.
Flat-Replacement4828 said:
I would be absolutely livid if someone did this shit to my kid. That said, eight is pretty old to still be needing so much attention at bedtime. melatonin gummies + 4 stories + indefinite back rubs? Either her bedtime is waaaaaay too early (I'm guessing bc she shares the room with littles) or she's got some sleep problems. Or this is how I find out my kid is just a weirdo for going to sleep by himself lol
ESH. Even if someone does a sh!tty job, they still get paid for doing the job. Withholding the money after that was going too far.
OP responded:
The melatonin gummy is only for when they have a babysitter since they’re off their routine and back rubs are only if she’s not asleep after 3-4 stories but I understand that it can be a lot. Normally the stories are all she needs to get to sleep.
LdiJ46 said:
Not paying her was an overreaction. Firing her was not. You should pay her.
ScarletNotThatOne said:
ESH. You should pay her for the time she worked. But absolutely NTA for firing her, for not following your clear instructions -- not to mention for insisting, later, that her way is better.
SQ_Madriel said:
YTA for not paying her. No job is allowed to withhold the money you earned when they fire you. Don't get yourself in legal trouble over this.
twinklingblueeyes said:
YTA. Pay her. NTA for firing her. YTA for giving those young kids gummies every night. Whatintheactualf#@k?!
And OP responded:
They don’t get gummies every night. They get it on Wednesdays and any other time that I might not be home for bedtime (rarely) and it’s approved by their pediatrician
Thoughts??