'AITA for firing my friend as a bridesmaid after she had an affair with a married man?'
"AITA for not wanting my friend to be a bridesmaid after proudly sleeping with a married man?!"
I recently got engaged and called one of my close friends to share the news. She was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. A few days later, she was blowing up my phone asking me to call her back. When I finally did, the very first thing she said—while laughing—was, “Guess who’s a mistress?”
I was completely confused and asked what she meant. She then told me she had slept with a married man. She knew he was married—she had previously hung out with him and his wife in group settings. She went into detail about the affair and kept saying the wife would never find out, that she “owed her no loyalty,” and that the husband was the only one at fault.
I was shocked and really upset. Cheating is something I feel very strongly about because it has affected my family and me personally, and she knows that. Instead of showing remorse, she kept trying to justify herself. Because of my morals and how uncomfortable I felt, I decided I couldn’t have her stand beside me as a bridesmaid.
We talked again a week or two later after I stopped reaching out. She said she wanted to explain more so I could “understand where she was coming from.” The conversation mostly consisted of her explaining how terrible this man was and how he had cheated on his wife many times.
When I expressed again how strongly I feel about cheating and how it affects my ability to trust people, she told me I was “pouring my trauma onto her situation.” We didn’t talk much after that.
Later, her sister—who I grew up with and was originally my friend—graduated college. We all went out together to celebrate, and it was actually a really good night. It made me pause and reflect, and I briefly considered whether I should show grace.
However, on the way home, my best friend (who had been with me that night) told me something important. She said my friend had been openly talking about how she was still texting and in contact with the married man. While telling the story to my best friend, she twisted the narrative to make it sound like she didn’t know he was married—which isn’t true.
What made this harder is that she had told her sister the full truth. Her sister and I had already talked together about what happened and how upsetting it was, so I know she understood the situation clearly. That made it feel intentional that she changed the story when talking to others.
After learning all of this, I spoke privately with her sister (the graduate) and asked if she would be upset with me if I chose not to have her sister be a bridesmaid because of what happened. She told me she would completely understand and agree with that decision.
At this point, it wasn’t just about the affair. It was the lack of accountability, the rewriting of the story depending on the audience, and the continued contact with the man after claiming remorse.
She is still invited to my wedding, but I do not want her standing beside me or in my inner circle on one of the most important days of my life. I want this to be a good day, and she brings a lot of drama. I don’t want to feel stressed or uncomfortable on my wedding day.
This is what people had to say to OP:
brent_bent said:
She was proud of it. Don't let her alone with your fiancé. NTA.
IHaveBoxerDogs said:
NTA. You absolutely get to decide who you want as a bridesmaid. If an unabashed cheater standing up for you as you take your vows will take away from your wedding day, don't have her. Other brides may not care, but you do. Why have someone who makes a mockery of marriage stand up for you?
Mysterious_Book8747 said:
“He’s a real scum bug. But not me. Definitely doesn’t make me a scum bug sleeping with scum on purpose.”
What kind of logic is that?
OpportunityMany5374 said:
"She is still invited to my wedding..." WHY, FFS?!? She doesn't generally respect vows of commitment, nor does she respect YOU. Having her attend your wedding will only drain your happiness. She serves absolutely no purpose, nor place, in your life. DROP HER, FOREVER. NTA, OP. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! I wish for you all the best. ☺️🥰🙏🏻❤️
And Ok_Maintenance7716 said:
LOL. It’s completely your right to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid. But it’s hilarious that your moral indignation draws the line at the point where you wouldn’t get a wedding gift.