'AITA for firing my friend as a bridesmaid because she dyed her hair neon green?'
"AITA for firing my friend as a bridesmaid because she dyed her hair neon green?"
I (29F) am getting married this December. It’s a Christmas-themed winter wedding, something I’ve been planning for four years. My fiancé and I wanted to wait and save up so that we could pay for the entire wedding ourselves—no parents, no loans, no strings attached. It’s been our dream to have a winter wonderland wedding that’s fully ours, and we’ve been working and budgeting for years to make it happen.
Because I know the whole “bridezilla” stereotype is a thing, I’ve tried my absolute hardest to be accommodating and inclusive with my bridal party and wedding planning. For example:
One of my bridesmaids, Larissa, is pregnant. She’ll be showing by the time of the wedding, and I told her to absolutely get a dress that highlights her bump if she wants to—no shame, no covering up, I want her to feel beautiful.
Another bridesmaid, Maira, has tattoos that she loves. Since it’s a Christmas wedding, I asked that her dress not be too revealing because of the weather/theme, but she’s totally welcome to show off her ink. I want everyone to feel like themselves.
My friend Zelda’s Samoyed, Citrus, is actually in the wedding. He’s going to be the ring bearer with my nephew. The plan is my nephew will ride in a little sled that Citrus pulls, then once they reach us, my nephew will hop off, hand the ring box to Citrus, and Citrus will deliver it to us. It’s Cute, it’s fun. So I really have gone out of my way to make this wedding inclusive and magical for everyone, not just me.
But here’s the issue: one of my closest friends, Shalish, just dyed her hair this BRIGHT neon/electric green. Think highlighter green, not emerald or sage or anything remotely muted. She’s also one of my bridesmaids. My color palette for the bridal party is soft, pastel tones and winter shades. Her hair clashes so badly with literally everything.
When I saw it, I gently asked her, “Hey, is there any chance you’d be open to wearing a wig of your natural color for the wedding?” I explained that I have no issue with green hair if it’s a shade that blends with the theme (emerald, sage, matcha, even forest green would’ve been fine), but this bright neon color just completely takes away from the look we’ve all been building.
She snapped back with, “Why? You scared of the color green or something?” I said no, it’s just that it really clashes, and I begged her to please consider it.
She flat-out said no. So I told her, regretfully, that I had to step her down as a bridesmaid. She’s still invited to the wedding, but she won’t be standing up with us. When I told her this, she blew up. She said I’m a bridezilla, a b-word, that my fiancé is “lucky he’s marrying me before he finds someone better,” and that I’m shallow for caring about “a stupid hair color.”
Now here’s the thing that makes me feel bad: she and I have been friends for years. We always joked and dreamed about being in each other’s weddings as bridesmaids.
She knew about my request to refrain from dyeing hair neon/bright colors while being a bridesmaid—it’s something I told all my bridal party early on when we got engaged. I even said if they wanted to dye it anyway, all I’d ask is that they wear a wig for the day so they could still have fun hair without it clashing. Everyone else was fine with this.
But now I can’t shake the guilt. On one hand, I want my wedding party to look cohesive because this is something I’ve dreamed of and paid for with my fiancé for FOUR years. On the other hand, this is my friend of many years, and I don’t want to be that bride who throws away a friendship over a color palette.
So, am I a bridezilla for stepping her down as a bridesmaid over her neon green hair? Should I just suck it up and let her stand with me, clashing or not, because at the end of the day it’s “just hair”?
What do you think? AITA/is she a bridezilla? This is what commenters had to say:
celticmusebooks said:
"On the other hand, this is my friend of many years, She said I’m a bridezilla, a b-word, that my fiancé is 'lucky he’s marrying me before he finds someone better.'"
I don't think she's the friend you thought she was. Why would you even want someone who said this to you at your wedding in any capacity?
kazyape said:
I hate to say it, but sometimes the bridezilla is actually the jealous bridesmaid.. And she called you a biatch.... Sometimes at our highest level of happiness is when the true colors come out Pun not intentional 😔
IndividualGain4653 said:
The comment about your fiance made my ears perk up.
Of all the things to say......
RelevantLeg73 said:
You’re not a bridezilla, you put the rules in place way before, she’s known about it since 4 years ago, she could wear a wig. Don’t just drop her as a bridesmaid, drop her as a friend.
And nikkesen said:
So, long and short is she can still dye her hair as long as it's in line with the overall theme? And the colour just so happens to a subdued shade? Seems you're still allowing for green dye, just not the neon variety. That's a fair compromise.