First time mom 'maintains boundaries' regarding 2-month-old, 'please don't touch my baby.' AITA? MINI UPDATE

"AITA for maintaining boundaries regarding my 2 month old?"

I (28F) am a first time mom. My brother showed up to Easter sick, so naturally I got sick, and then my baby. We recovered and my mom asked if I wanted to go shopping with her today bc we were celebrating my grandmas birthday. We are at Walmart and I had my baby wrapped up in a baby wrap so I could “wear” her.

An older lady came up and touched my baby. I stated, “oh please don’t touch the baby.” She apologized profusely and rushed off before I had the chance to explain myself.

My mom asks me, “don’t you think you’re being a bit excessive? Your daughter was covered with the wrap.” I said no, bc the lady was also in my space (the wrap is a keababy wrap if that gives anyone reference).

Fast forward to when we are at my grandma's celebrating her birthday. My mom brought cupcakes and my grandma asked me if she could give my daughter a little taste of frosting. I said no, not yet, she isn’t old enough.

My grandma waits until I’m not looking and gives my daughter some frosting. I looked up and saw that my grandmas finger was in my daughter’s mouth. I explain how I felt disrespected bc I said no, and she went ahead and did what she wanted to do anyway.

To top the night off, I could hear my mom gossiping about what happened in Walmart while I’m changing my daughter’s diaper. I rush out and say, “wow. Gossiping about your own daughter, some mother you are.” And went back in. She started talking again and I shouted “I can still hear you.”

At this point, I’m fuming mad and I pack everything up and me and my daughter go home. But now I’m sitting up wondering if I was too harsh and if I should apologize.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

illdecidetomorrow said:

Your grandma gave your 2 month old frosting?!? That’s insane. They can’t have any solids at that point, let alone frosting. Their digestive system is super sensitive. You’re not mad enough in my opinion.

toxicredox said:

NTA. Who walks up to a random baby who is literally attached to a paret and touches the kid without parental permission? Rude people, that's who. Why is your mother defending rude, random strangers at your expense?

Your grandmother was also a total AH for giving your baby frosting after you clearly said no. Is she the one who is gonna be dealing with the fallout when the baby's digestive system goes haywire?

Of course not, that's gonna be on you, all because grandma didn't want to listen when you said "no." Do NOT apologize to either of them. Both of them should be apologizing to YOU.

Immediate_Yak5287 said:

NTA. I feel like this has probably been your life, raised by crazy people who wrong you and then guilt you into apologizing. The frosting thing is fking wild. Even just putting a germy finger in bub's mouth....

I would be pretty annoyed. Giving frosting with allergens, colours and sugar to my child without permission... I would be very annoyed. The child isn't even a toddler? It's an infant several months off starting solids?! ... Oh boy. The final insult to injury, it's an infant you've been specifically told not to give frosting to... Heads would roll.

These people are treating you so poorly. And these kind it things will keep happening. They don't respect you. They won't respect your parenting boundaries. They're showing you what they think of you...

Eurovision_Fan12 said:

NTA, it's your baby. If anything you aren't angry enough. Babies shouldn't be given things with added sugar until around two years and certainly not at two MONTHS.

Familiar_Plankton_54 said:

NTA. You made your boundaries clear, they stomped on them, so you and little went home. Exactly the right thing to do.

rocksparadox4414 said:

Frosting to a 2 month old?! That's crazy!!! My kids are now 21 and 17 and that was a huge no-no even when they were babies. Your grandma mis-remembered doing this with a 2 y/o, not a 2 m/o.

Even so, YOU are the Mom and the fact that she just blatantly disregard your wishes is outrageous and disrespectful. I don't think you can be near these two until they can demonstrate they can be trusted. NTA.

Later, OP provided an mini update:

My grandma sent me a Facebook message, and this is what it said: My dear Kaitlin, I'm so sorry I upset you yesterday. I was wrong in not obeying your wishes. However I have raised babies and I knew the amount I gave her would melt in her mouth and do wouldn't do her harm. I would never do anything to harm your precious bundle.

I'm her GG and give me credit for knowing a little bit about babies. Enjoy her but don't smother her. I think you shouldn't have disrespected me like you did. I was hurt by your actions. I love you and hope this won't make a difference in our relationship.

So this is what I said in response: It’s not even about the icing at this point. She fussed and fussed the entire way home plus some because she had a belly ache. She is only 2 months old, her digestive system can’t handle that.

It’s the fact that you and mom both blatantly disrespected me as a mom. I’m not saying you don’t know anything about babies, but Dakota is MY child and medical knowledge has changed since you and mom were new parents. Just because you did something back in the day, doesn’t mean it’s ok to do it now.

The fact that I said no and you still did it, and you want to sit here and say I shouldn’t have disrespected you!? That’s brave. I am not raising my daughter in an environment where it is acceptable to disrespect me, as the mother.

The fact that you were perfectly okay with my mother gossiping about me while I was in the next room speaks volumes too. How can I trust that you guys won’t talk about me to Dakota in front of her when the two of you don’t agree on something I said/did? I’m seeing a pattern here.

Mom talks crap on me, you and her both talked crap on dad when I was growing up and I absolutely will not tolerate it. (For context for this part, my parents divorced when I was in 8th grade and my grandma and mom would talk crap on my dad at the table when they thought I wasn’t paying attention).