'AITA for fixing my daughter’s car when her boyfriend said he’d handle it?'
"AITA for fixing my daughter’s car when her boyfriend said he’d handle it?"
My daughter (21F) and I have always been pretty close. She moved in with her boyfriend a couple months ago. It was a little tough seeing her move out but I know she’s an adult and building her own life.
She drives an old Corolla with a lot of miles on it. A couple weeks ago she mentioned the steering wheel had started shaking when she got up to highway speeds and sometimes the front end would shudder when she braked. She told me her boyfriend said he would take care of it.
Another week went by and it still hadn’t been looked at. Last weekend she came by my place and said it was getting worse and it was starting to make her nervous to drive.
So I took it for a quick drive and sure enough the wheel was shaking pretty good around 60 mph and it shuddered when I hit the brakes. I pulled the front wheels off in the driveway and it was pretty obvious the front brake rotors were warped and the brake pads were worn unevenly.
I ran to the parts store, grabbed new rotors and pads, and swapped them out that afternoon. Took a couple hours and after that the car drove smooth again. My daughter was really happy and thanked me a bunch. To me it wasn’t a big deal. I’ve worked on cars most of my life and she’s my kid.
A few days later she and her boyfriend came over for dinner. At one point he pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have fixed the car. He said it was his responsibility as her boyfriend to handle that kind of thing and that by doing it myself I stepped on his toes. I told him I wasn’t trying to prove anything. The car was getting worse and I just fixed it while she was there.
Since then he’s been pretty short with me and the vibe has been a little weird. My daughter says he feels like I undermined him. From my point of view she’s still my daughter and if something on her car is unsafe and I can fix it in an afternoon I’m going to.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Red flags to me... he's more concerned about how he looks than your daughter's safety. I would honestly suggest she think about what other ways he tries to control her.
My first immediate thought as well, red flag that it’s about him and his ego. Especially already getting uptight with what might be his future FIL, he should be thanking OP and apologizing for not getting it done sooner, imho. Anything less is sus.
100% agree with you both. Red flag and being disrespectful to your GFs father is dumb no matter what but because your feelings got hurt?
She's not property. She can get help from whoever is available and willing to help her. This is red flag behaviour.
This. 🚩🚩🚩 He should say thank you for taking care of it since he hadn’t had time yet. End of story. It’s scary that he would prefer she continue to drive in a potentially dangerous car wait than get help from her dad. Way possessive.
NTA - when was he going to fix it? When she got in an accident? That’s your BABY, you care for her more than he ever could. He’s risking her safety by not fixing it sooner when he said he would.
He’s not a good guy. Keep an eye on her, keep in contact but don’t talk bad about him. Lead her to her own realizations by asking questions if she brings it up. This will hopefully fizzle out. Just keep being there for her like you are, if you raised her like it sounds you did she’ll figure out he’s a dud pretty quickly.
I'd keep an eye on him, he's too lazy to do the job he offered to do, but too egocentric not to get sulky when someone else does this necessary work. How else does he let your daughter down?
NTA at all. The boyfriend showed that her safety was not a priority. Worn rotors is a safety issue. Hope she realizes this and ditches the boyfriend. If he can’t make her a priority for something as important as her safety when driving then that’s pretty telling.
NTA: "Well she brought it up to me several times and you hadn't fixed it yet so I did. Next time have a sense of urgency when it comes to my daughters safety if you think your a "real man".
my boyfriend picked up pretty quick if he wanted to help me with something he would have to do it quick, or my dad would do it 🤷that’s how it goes. if he wants to be the one responsible for helping your daughter, then he needs to learn to take initiative. NTA.
NTA. I’d be having a discussion with my daughter about how messed up it is that her boyfriend would rather have her driving around an unsafe car that could possibly hurt/kill her, and others for however long it took him to get around to it as opposed to just being thankful it got done, and she’s safe.
NTA. To be clear, you are asking should you have refused to use your vast car knowledge to fix your daughter's dangerous car for free when she asked you to, rather than possibly her die on the way home, because her boyfriend had said he would fix it a week ago and hadn't even looked at it?? She needs to ditch this jerk.
NTA But you should have used your Dad card and lit his ass up about allowing your daughter to drive that car for as long as he did without fixing it. If he wants to be The Man then he needs to step up and do the work. If my experience tells me anything, her car still wouldn't be fixed if you hadn't taken care of it.
NTA- tell him that you are NOT ok with your little girl driving a dangerous car. If he wants to fix those kinds of things, he needs to do it with urgency.
Uh hell no. If my daughter has an issue and it's staring me in the face then as her parents were going to fix it. The boyfriend sounds like he felt emasculated by her dad which is weird. NTA OP, let your daughter know if she changes her mind she's always welcome back home.