'My FMIL is threatening to boycott our wedding because I want a prenup.'
"My FMIL is threatening to boycott our wedding because I want a prenup."
My fiancé (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 years and engaged for about 8 months. I own a small business that I started from scratch 4 years ago and it's finally doing really well.
My lawyer suggested I get a prenup to protect the business in case anything happens down the road, which made sense to me. I brought it up to my fiancé and he was fine with it at first. He said he understood and didn't have a problem signing one then he mentioned it to his parents.
His mom completely lost it. She called me directly and said that prenups are 'setting up a marriage to fail' and that if I really loved her son I wouldn't need one. She said it's insulting to their family and makes it look like I think he's going to take my money. I tried explaining it's just to protect my business and it's not about him but she wasn't hearing it.
Now she's saying if I make him sign a prenup, she and FIL won't come to the wedding and she's also been calling other family members telling them I'm forcing her son into a contract because I don't trust him(this is crazy i swear). My fiancé is caught in the middle and keeps asking if we can just drop it to keep the peace.
The wedding is in 6 months. I don't want to start our marriage with his family hating me but I also don't want to give up protection for something I built before he was even in the picture.
He says his mom will get over it eventually but I don't know, she seems pretty serious about this. Am I wrong for not backing down? Has anyone dealt with something like this? Thank you!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
FMIL will absolutely come guns blazing for your company if by chance, you did end up divorcing. it’s okay to protect your business, a little suss he wants to “ drop it “ for the peace.. idk do they know how well your business is doing ? Your finance is also a little suss… if they don’t care about the business why do they care to sign ? Weird af family.
Saying a prenup is setting up a marriage to fail is like saying health insurance is setting a person up to get cancer. Lesson learned: your husband needs to find someone else to go to for relationship support and advice.
Why do they have to know any details about it? It’s none of their business. Have your Fiancé sign it and tell him not to talk to his parents about it again. I would not back down on this one. He needs to sign the prenup. You need to protect yourself.
The red flag is that your future husband discusses private financial matters with his mother. Further, he discusses your professional finances with his mother. Big NO GO. He’s the reason you have this mess on your hands.
A prenup is sensible - what mummy thinks is irrelevant. She doesn’t get a vote or a voice; tell her this now so it doesn’t become a pattern of behavior. And serious conversation with future husband on what is and is not shared across the family is in order. Does he just have poor judgment or does he run to mummy with everything or both?
Your fiancé is NOT caught in the middle. He needs to shut his family’s BS down. He should never have mentioned it. But since he already did, he needs to make it plain that this is between him and you alone. You need that prenup. Or maybe think twice about marrying a man with no spine.
Is having homeowners insurance setting your house up to burn down? Is having auto insurance setting your car up to crash? No! Pre-nups are essentially a type of insurance that protect you from getting taken to the cleaners IF your marriage happens to fail. With a business to consider, you absolutely should have that insurance. Don't back down.
The way your MIL is behaving and the fact your fiancée wants to shelve the prenup is a major red flag. You need it now more than ever. Is your future husband going to run to mommy over every decision you make in your married life?
If your MIL disagrees is she going to trash you the entire family? Probably. You’re being smart here and if your fiancée doesn’t get on board, I’d be pushing off the wedding to sort that out.
Do you think you can deal with situations like this for the rest of your life? He is clearly a mammas boy and gets her input on your relationship and life decisions. How will she be when you have kids and don’t do what she wants? Whose side will he choose then? Can you do this forever?
Keep the peace? I don’t understand, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with his parents, there is no peace to keep. This is a SO problem, yes he can confide in his parents or share his concerns however he then needs to rightfully shut that down.
They do not get an opinion, they do not get a say, they do not get to twist the narrative. I would worry that this interference and bullying from his parents will set the tone of what’s to come….
Firstly, I just had a friend get divorced and she was forced to give her ex a big chunk of her business because she didn’t have a pre-nup. Now, she has to start over with less equity. Do not under any circumstances marry anyone without contracts in place to protect your business.
Secondly, to me the most concerning thing about this story is your fiancé’s willingness to bend to his mother. What other life decisions is he going to make with you, his future partner, and then change his mind after mommy talks to him?
You are marrying him, not his mother. Why is she even involved in the decision making for a pre-nup? I wouldn’t talk to her anymore about subjects that don’t concern her. The prenup isn’t any of her business. It shouldn’t reflect on her family because no one should know about it except for you and your fiancé.