'AITA for not allowing people to take pictures of me at my wedding?'

"AITA for not allowing people to take pictures of me at my wedding?"

I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia since I can remember honestly, and was diagnosed in high school. Even after therapy and recovering from an eating disorder, my intrusive thoughts about my appearance never fully stop. Sadly even though I’m in my mid (to upper) 20s, one bad photo (posed or candid) can still send me spiraling even on days I otherwise feel okay.

My fiancé and I have been together for over five years and are recently engaged. He’s incredibly supportive and understands my struggles. He’s probably more patient with me than he should be God bless him. We’ve started wedding planning, and I’ve realized that the idea of being the center of attention, especially photographed, has become one of my biggest anxieties.

I’m generally very easygoing, especially with my fiancé’s family, and I rarely push back on anything they want. The one boundary I want to set is asking guests not to take or post pictures with their phones during the wedding. I’m okay with having a professional photographer, but I don’t want unapproved photos of myself shared on social media.

My fiancé’s family is EXTREMELY active on social media, and everything gets posted immediately. I mean truly every moment of what we do is shared, there have been so many times where I don’t even realize a photo is being taken until I see it later.

At our engagement party, I felt beautiful the entire night, until I got in the car and saw candid photos being posted. I completely spiraled afterward. I know this isn’t “normal,” but it’s my reality, and I don’t want that happening on one of the most important days of my life.

To compromise, I plan to hand out disposable cameras at the reception so guests can take as many photos as they want of us, each other, the food, anything. After the wedding, we’ll develop them and then share the photos, and people can save or repost whatever they like. I’m not trying to control everything forever, just to have final say over photos of myself on my wedding day.

My mother and fiancé think this might offend people, and that when everything is said and done I won’t mind but I know myself and I know that I will indeed mind. My best friend (maid of honor) is ready to make this a strict rule. I feel like this is a reasonable boundary for one day. AITA?

NOTE: because I’ve seen some people saying this and idk where it’s coming from. I absolutely do not care if people are taking pictures of themselves, of the venue, of each other, whatever. I simply do not want pictures taken of me posted outside of the ones that our photographer takes.

I should say being the center of attention only bothers me when pictures are involved. I have no qualms with having a large wedding and celebrating and having fun IN THE MOMENT with my family and friends. I just don’t want people posting pictures of me.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

LifeChampionship6 said:

NTA for feeling that way, but it is unrealistic and will be hard to enforce. Ultimately you are setting yourself up to be upset and setting up your guests to be the bad guys when they inevitably take pictures. If being the center of attention causes you significant anxiety, then you should probably reconsider having a wedding as that’s kind of the whole point.

maybemaybenot2023 said:

NTA - but this is going to be impossible to enforce without looking like an asshole. Who will do this? If you're guests number over 20, this will be hard to do without dedicating someone to it, and that's a bit unfair to put on a guest.

People want to take photos at receptions of themselves with other people they don't see, people whose outfits they like, all kinds of reasons, many of which have zero to do with the bride or groom.

Also, a lot of people will get really annoyed by the bride wants only professional pictures of herself and that is likely to cause more gossip and backlash and drama than you want to deal with. You really do need to go back to therapy as these thoughts are clearly impacting your daily life in a bad way.

ouijabore said:

Gentle YTA. I understand how you feel about photos of yourself, but it’s a bit controlling to tell people they can’t take any photos at all during your wedding. Like no selfies, couples candids, or friend photos? I don’t get dressed up much but when I do I like photos of myself and I’d be pretty annoyed to get yelled at (or whatever the consequence would be) for taking a picture with another guest.

I think you can ask people to refrain from posting on social media & to not take pictures of yourself, but can’t see how you’ll enforce this blanket ban. Is someone going to be on phone duty all night? Are you going to be paranoid whenever you see someone’s on their phone?

How disruptive is this going to be to you on the day of? I think you may need to reconsider what a wedding looks like to you and/or think about going back to therapy.

Otherwise_Chemist920 said:

Can you just not look? If you’re having a big wedding then this just isn’t super realistic. I’ve got OCD, you’ve got to manage your reaction when people are doing normal things around you.

Frozenblueberries13 said:

YTA, but it sounds like it’s a manifestation of your mental health disorder. I echo what another person said about therapy to help you work through this and towards a healthy mindset and body image.

somuchsong said:

NTA. I think it's a completely reasonable request (even without body dysmorphia) but compliance may be a problem. It's really not something you'll have much control over. You just have to hope people respect your wishes.