'AITA for asking my brother why he needs help cooking dinner?'
"AITA for asking my brother why he needs help cooking dinner?"
Just before this post, my brother (35M) asked me (27M) "hey kiddo, after you're finished your League match, can you come help me make dinner? We're going to do KD with hotdogs because I don't want to do anything super extravagant tonight. I'm in pain and would like the help. My jaw is killing me."
My first thought was, "what does your jaw have to do with cooking?" and my second was "why does a 35-year-old man need help with Kraft Dinner and Hotdogs? Just cut up the hotdogs before you start and follow the directions on the KD boxes". I verbalized the second one, and added a tidbit.
"I'm in a ton of pain right now too, in case you forgot. I currently have a herniated spinal disk. I haven't started my meds for it yet because I need to take them with food. No, I will not have to bend over, but the position I will be in while leaning over the counter will irritate the disk. I've also made this meal for us by myself before, so why do you need my help? I will still try to help as much as I can, but...yeah, why?"
He did not answer, and just stormed off complaining to himself as he normally does. So I ask, AITA here for asking him why he needed help with making dinner? I genuinely don't think so, but I want to know from all of you.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
KylieJ1993 said:
YTA. It sounds like your brother kindly asked for your help. Idk what’s up with his jaw but I remember having bad jaw pain from a boxing injury and that kind of pain makes it hard to think. If you can’t cause you’re in pain just say that. Because it sounds like you’re dismissing his pain.
Lissypooh628 said:
ESH. Wait…. you have the herniated disc? And he has the sore jaw? Instead of all the back and forth, you could have just said “I’m in a lot of pain as well, I’m sorry I can’t help tonight.”
hallerz87 said:
YTA. You just had to say its difficult given your herniated disc so you'd rather not have to. What's with the speech?
Consistent-Star5745 said:
YTA. He just asked; you could have said no without the snark ("in case you forgot," and "I will still help you out...but yeah, why?" after very clearly implying that you won't help him out).
Anxious_Reporter_601 said:
YTA. Your brother was making food for you (it doesn't matter if it was box mac and cheese or a three course meal) and he asked for help because he's in pain and you were a d about it. You could have said no, that you were also in pain and didn't think you were able to help, you didn't need to be so snarky. He was only asking, it wasn't a demand.
TheDrunkScientist said:
ESH. Y’all are two adults. Figure it out.
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
Alright, so I did not provide enough context it seems. I will answer as many of the questions and concerns I have seen as possible. I agree that I missed the mark here. How much work do you contribute to the house including cooking? Is it more or less than him and what are your schedules like?
He does not work at all and lives on government funding. He pays me $600 of rent to live with me because I have savings from my late father's estate. I pay the bulk of everything. Rent, phone bill, utilities, groceries, etc. Usually it's me. I am also in school most of the time, just on break right now.
Do you hate him? Serious. - We have our days when we hate each other, and we have our days where we don't. We've had issues over the years for sure, but less so now.
Why is he making dinner for you in the first place, can’t you make your own dinner? - He wasn't necessarily "making it for me", we cook together some nights, but in general I do 80% of the cooking myself.
When you asked him why he needed help, did you literally not know or did you just want to get out of helping and hoped he would say never mind? Like it’s not confusing that someone in pain wants help cooking regardless of the body part.
I asked because it genuinely did not make sense to me. I have made this exact meal for us by myself multiple times. I figured if I can do it alone, why can't he?
1) "Hey kiddo, is the league match a video game thing, or are you actually in a sports league playing, you know, sports? Because if a herniated disk doesn’t keep you from league sports but from making dinner, the you, kiddo are definitely an ahole."
I was sitting at my computer in a specific position so I won't hurt my back any further (keeping it straight helps), and I was playing League of Legends, not sports.
2) " "Hey kiddo, after you're finished your League match, can you come help me make dinner?" Would be said to a 12 year old, not an adult." He calls me kiddo because he refuses to call me by my preferred name.
I will be legally changing it this year, but he calls me kiddo as his way of not offending me because I hate my current legal name immensely. Plus he's called me kiddo for my entire life, so it's easier to not change that. If there are any more things I need to address, please let me know.