'AITA for asking my husband to hold his pee during a flight with 2 kids?' 'He did go to the urologist.'
"AITA for asking my husband to hold his pee during flight with 2 kids?"
My husband and I flew a 3.5 hr flight with our 3 mo old and 2.5 yo recently. We were unable to buy seats together so I was in the middle aisle with baby and he was across the aisle of me with the aisle seat and the toddler in the middle.
About an hour into the flight my husband gets up to pee while I’m nursing baby and as soon as he leaves the toddler crawls over to me.
I try to get the toddler to sit on my lap but he causes baby to stop eating so baby is crying on me while I’m trying to hold the toddler and not disrupt the two people I’m sitting next to. Plus my husband got stuck behind the beverage cart so he could grab the toddler for 20 minutes.
Later, my husband gets up to pee again while I’m feeding baby and same thing happens of trying to feed baby with a toddler on my lap. Ending up with a crying baby and a toddler in one middle seat.
Back story, my husband pees a lot. I’ve worked with a pelvic floor therapist and told her how frequently he pees and she agrees it’s too much and he should work with PT to avoid issues down the road. He says he doesn’t need help and blames it on drinking lots of water.
He does work a full time job in an office and does go hours without peeing when he has back to back calls so he’s capable of holding it. He’s never peed himself or had an accident. He did go to the urologist this year who ruled out any prostate, or cancer.
After the flight, I told my husband how hard it was to balance both boys and asked if he can just hold his pee. So many times I have to pee when I’m watching the boys but hold it until timing is better. He said he can’t.
Next, I asked if he could ask me before he pees and go when baby isn’t nursing and I have two hands. He said no and he should be able to pee when he has to go.
We have a full summer of flying ahead of us including a few international trips and I’m worried.
EDITS:
He gets annual physicals and is extremely healthy. No diabetes and all labs are WNL. He does ultra marathons and has never peed on himself during a long run.
I only mentioned the PT because of a conversation we had. She said if you pee excessively (even if just out of habit) it can lead to problems down the road and recommended peeing only every 3-4hrs.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
amoebafr3ak said:
I'm torn between NAH and NTA. On the one hand, if he has a medical problem causing him to pee and has no ability to hold it whatsoever, then obviously he should get to go when he needs -- but you said that he refused help, so at this point he's choosing this problem.
And it bothers me that it became a 20-minute case of him being absent due to the beverage cart, and that both times he had to pee, you were feeding the baby and had your hands completely full.
You were both in a difficult situation, but it sounds like the labor was not divided evenly and the consequences weren't either -- he got his needs met, while you didn't, and left with all of the parental labor in your moments of highest overwhelm, while you're nursing.
If he's unable to hold his pee for a few minutes, he needs a doctor. If he refuses a doctor, and continues to WILLINGLy put you in this situation, he's the AH.
Okdoey said:
NAH. Every time he goes to the bathroom, wait until he gets back and then go to the bathroom yourself. This means he gets his needs met as he needs to pee so urgently and you get your needs met by having 10 mins to breath after having the stress of managing both.
blindinglights29 said:
NTA. Obviously if he has an issue YWBTA to ask him not to pee at all for 3.5+ hours!! But if he cant hold it at least for a little while, til you finish nursing, tell him to wear a nappy and pee himself like the other 2 babies you're expected to care for do.
Or at least fork out for seats together so you can put your toddler beside you while you're having to nurse. Totally unfair to put both kids on you in one seat!! And Totally unfair to the other passengers.
This kinda behavior is why people glare when they see babies on flights, cos while theres good parents who try to do everything they can to keep their kids calm, then theres the selfish ones...
agurrera said:
NTA- why can’t he bring toddler with him? There’s room in the bathroom for two and it would be helpful for you to only have to manage one kid at a time.
Yoongi_SB_Shop said:
ESH. You for expecting your husband to not do a basic human function. Your husband for not giving a sh!t whether he's inconveniencing you or not. Both of you for planning multiple international trips with a baby and a toddler and not being able to be considerate of each other or everyone around you.
East-Bake-7484 said:
NTA. If he's never peed himself then he must he able to hold it some. It's not reasonable to ask him to hold it for the entire flight, but it is reasonable to ask him to wait until you're done feeding the baby.