"AITA for assigning the chore of dishes to my wife?"
My wife is obsessed with Stanley cups. She owns at least two dozen, probably more. She uses three cups a day. Her morning coffee goes in one, a flavored water goes in the second, and then a third goes with her to work empty so she can put whatever else she wants in there that day.
For the last couple of years, I've put up with it. We've been married 9 years and the only assigned chores are that I do the lawn care and the garbage (smell of garbage can make her vomit). We equally cook and clean and do laundry and anything else that needs to be done whenever we see it needs to be done.
Chores have never been a point of contention until March of this year. I took a lateral position that changed my work style significantly. I now work from home four days a week with the fifth being a half day split between two offices. I'm home by 3:00 on those days. So because of that, I've taken on way more of the chores.
I'm not complaining about most of it because I can do it and my life is much easier than it was before. The problem is my wife's habits. Because her office is so remote, lunch options are limited, so she tends to take all the leftovers from dinner. The issue is that she will leave the dirty, unrinsed containers in her car for days at a time and then just stack them up in the sink for me to deal with.
Between the insanely bad smell and filling up the bottom drawer of the dishwasher every few days with Stanleys, I'm over it. In addition to the numerous cups, she also expects the matching lid and straw to be reassembled before storage.
I told her that if she wants to continue ignoring my requests to bring her containers in every day, or to at least rinse them out at work, then she has to do the dishes from now on. Now, according to her, I'm being unreasonable. Because I'm home and don't have any commute time, I have way more free time than she does, and so I should take on the majority of the chores.
But from my view, I've done exactly that. Since the change, I do nearly everything. Vacuuming, mopping, cleaning/folding/storing clothes, grass, garbage, and most of the cooking. I don't think it's particularly fair to expect me to also deal with her stinky Tupperware and mountain of cups along with the sorting of the accessories after. Am I out of line here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Tiny_Boat_7983 said:
Smell of garbage makes her vomit made me giggle…then I read she leaves dirty food containers in her car. You know her car smells worse than garbage. I’d assign her trash duty.
ConflictGullible392 said:
You have a dishwasher. No one has to wash dishes. All she has to do is put her own dishes in the dishwasher. You doing most of the mutual chores does not mean you should have to clean up after her. Grownups should take care of their own dishes. NTA.
Elemental_surprise said:
NTA. A big rule in my house is that if you make a task harder you deal with the consequences. That many cups plus disgusting dishes is making the task harder so it’s on her to deal with the consequences.
owls_and_cardinals said:
NTA. This is perfectly reasonable. You indicate you are already doing more than a basic split of chores because your work schedule allows it - and that's great and makes sense - whereas her schedule is more demanding and involves a commute. That said, you aren't a maid. She can learn to do some basic clean-up after herself. This chore is as onerous as it is BECAUSE of her habits specifically.
Would you accept a compromise? If she loads the Stanleys into the dishwasher herself, and deals with assembly after, and commits to bringing her used lunch dishes inside every day rather than letting them fester?
Unusual-Hat-6819 said:
Tell her you can continue doing the dishes if she can at least have the courtesy to bring her dishes in every day. Just because you have some free time to help around the house doesn't mean that you have to deal with putrid food. NTA.
sleepy_brain_333 said:
NTA at all. I feel you, I also work from home and do 99% of the chores at the moment and my husband has the habit of forgetting Tupperware in his car over the weekend. The rule I have is each time he does that he has to do the dishes for a week. It's reduced instances quite a bit.