"AITA for being an inconsiderate roommate?"
For context, I am F18 freshmen college student and I'm living on-campus rooming with another F18 in a double. In the beginning I struggled to share my space because I was fortunate enough to have my own room so, it took time for me to get used to living with another person.
I didn't have anything against her until I found out she had been talking about me to other about things she is annoyed by, like alarm going off or guests, etc. When I found out that from another person, I lost the respect we agreed upon in the beginning of communicating if we have a problem.
So, like when I do have a problem, I don't say anything and just ramble to my friends to reciprocate the same energy. However, I believe because I grew up with a sibling and in not the wealthiest household, I am more accepting of smaller things that are a bother as a opposed to making a big problem.
Yet, with her, she is very particular about certain things and has mostly made the rules for the room that we share but also goes to bed earlier than I do, which is something I already mentioned and is something we agreed upon before becoming roommates.
Anyways, the point is, recently I've been staying up later, like not as late as 1:30-2, but around 12:30, to catch up with some old friends, whether that is online or with Facetime. And, when I was on call yesterday, she said, "Since it's Tuesday can you be off the call by 12?," it was 11:30 then, and I understand it's late, however...
I'm not loud or obnoxious when I'm on call when she is also in the room and I allow her to have a noise machine to help her sleep, while I decide to sleep with headphones on to block out noise. In a way, it made me think there was some underlying reason behind why she said it, because it felt passive aggressive when she said it.
I'm not trying to be unreasonable, but she could also use her own headphones when going to bed if it seems like I'm staying up late, because that's what I would do if I was in that position. So, AITA in this situation or should I suck it up and just not have calls at night?
For more context, a day or two ago, I was on call later at night with my friends, which I ended up falling asleep to, but I wasn't really even talking loud or anything, so could that have been the time, like maybe my Airpods disconnected and it was loud or something?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Caspian4136 said:
YTA. You're staying up way too late talking with friends on a weeknight. Take it elsewhere, you share a room and have to be considerate. It does sound like you two need to sit down and talk things through and come up with compromises. You both have ventured into being passive aggressive with each other and it's going to get worse and turn into resentment.
1RainbowUnicorn said:
YTA for calling and face-timing friends when your roommate is trying to sleep!!! RUDE AF! Don't you have any manners??? Leave the room if you want to talk late.
SonuvaGunderson said:
YTA. Maybe it’s the old man in me but midnight on a school night is entirely too late to be having audible phone calls with friends when someone else is trying to sleep.
UteLawyer said:
YTA. She shouldn't need to tell you not to have Facetime conversations after midnight in a shared room.
ServelanDarrow said:
YTA. Step out for phone/video calls. Common courtesy.
indicatprincess said:
YTA. You’re lucky she hasn’t reported you to RA. If you want a single, pay for it. You are automatically the ahole for having a FaceTime conversation at 2am while someone else is sleeping in the room.
Fearless_Spring5611 said:
ESH. She needs to talk to you directly if she has a problem that she wants you to solve, and you need to learn to clock off calls before falling asleep.