"AITA for being annoyed with my dad's $800 Christmas gift?"
For some context, I (18M) and my dad (61M) have had somewhat of a strained relationship for the past few years. To not get into too much detail, my sister (21F) and I recently discovered he's been serially cheating on my mom (54F) since 2021, and it was a pivotal factor in my parents' divorce back in November. In spite of this, he's taken no accountability for any wrong doing in their separation.
As you can imagine, even in the earliest of Christmases, my father has never been much of a participant. He rarely buys gifts beyond last minute pick ups, and we usually have to drag him downstairs to start gift giving, before he takes a step out after a few unboxings.
This year, however, was different---it was the first Christmas with my parents separated (not on paper, but in their relationship). Like all other years, he didn't do any direct shopping for my sister or I, which we've come to expect. He does, however, financially contribute to our livelihoods, which I can respect.
Everything in our house is paid off with multiple properties, and we live pretty comfortably. I feel as if his compassion towards us has been compromised for what we have financially, however. Anyway, flash forward to Christmas Eve. My sister, who has always been significantly more forgiving towards my dad, came downstairs giddy.
I, of course, got excited, and asked her what had happened. She excitedly tells me that our dad, for Christmas, covered all of her non-travel/lodging expenses during her trip to Italy with her boyfriend this summer, which totaled to ~$750.
This includes all of her meals, shopping, and leisurely activities she did on vacation, all of which were covered on my dad's card (originally to be paid back) to avoid foreign transaction fees. Soon after her follows my dad, who announces with some snark that my gift will be the $800 tire repair that has to be done on my car.
For some additional context, I only started driving in September of 2024, and I've been (contently) using my fifteen-year-old childhood car to get around. I've had a clean record and never crashed once.
My sister, on the other hand, has gotten into two minor accidents in her newly purchased car, both of which totaled to significantly higher prices (and were both covered by my parents) than the $800 tire repair that occurred from the car's age. I'm also looking to get a job, but have been advised by my family to wait until the end of my first college semester.
Upon hearing his quip, I, probabl y with a bit of entitled edge, softly complained that it wasn't my fault that I'd needed tire repairs and that it wasn't a real gift. I was instantly met with perplexed reactions from both my dad and my sister, who doubled down that it was an incredible gift...
And that I was being ungrateful for what he was doing for me. I didn't push back, and conceded my stance, but I felt a little upset that they weren't able to see my point. However, $800 is a lot, crappy father or not. So, AITA for my reaction?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
keto_crossword said:
NTA. Everyone else seems to be missing that the sister's more expensive at-fault repairs were covered by the parents in addition to being gifted a holiday. Sure you're very very privileged, but there is a double standard there.
Rock_Walrus4353 said:
NTA. From what you’ve been describing, these are expenses that would probably have been covered anyway as part of the car maintenance (and because as you said, it’s not your fault that the tires need to be changed).
It feels like there was no effort whatsoever on your father’s end to try and find a gift and he just went “Oh let me see what outstanding expenses/debts they have and I’ll cancel them." Your sister got lucky that hers was for a a holiday, but you’re definitely “losing” from this.
LatteLecturer said:
NTA. Covering basic maintenance for a shared vehicle falls into the general category of parental responsibility, not gift-giving. Your sister's vacation splurge, however, is a bonafide gift. Sounds like your dad isn't adept at balancing fairness between siblings. Give it time emotions are still raw post-divorce. But understand, you're not in the wrong for feeling slighted.
Brennan_Boru1031 said:
NTA. Maybe in general or overall during your life gratitude for meeting the needs instead of the wants makes sense. But for a Christmas present when your sister got all the fun part of a trip paid off, no one would be happy with replacing some old tires on an old car. Can't you see that?
The feeling of being treated unfairly or simply not being happy about "oh hey, new tires" is totally reasonable. But if you have $800 that you were going to spend on tires, spend it now on things you want and every time you get yourself a book, a nice meal, a t-shirt or whatever say "Thanks for the gift, Dad" in your head.
JupiterSWarrior said:
It’s $800 you don’t have to shell out for tires. That’s a gift! YTA.
yagooch said:
NTA. But since your Dad has no clue about gift giving anyways enjoy the new tires. Console yourself in the knowledge your Dad is embracing the stereotype of straight men who have no idea how to shop for others.