'AITA for being enraged that my husband is currently infertile?'
"AITA for being enraged that my husband is currently infertile?"
My (30F) husband (36M) has body built for 15+ years and has an unreal physique. We got together at 21 and 27. Being young, I was naive and believed him when he said he was natural (I only asked because my male acquaintances regularly asked me).
Over the years this morphed into "I'm natural now but I used to take T years ago." I distinctly remember telling him I am massively against drugs and if he ever went back on it and it affected us having a baby then I would never forgive him.
Cut forward to last December. I was cleaning our apartment and found testosterone. He’s somewhat of a hoarder so I wanted to make sure it wasn’t an old one that had been accidentally moved in. So I hid it in my sock drawer. Within 48 hours he confronted me, angry that I’d took it - clearly he had been taking it.
I gave him an ultimatum. Me or testosterone. We were set to get married in the summer. He promised he wouldn’t take it again. He promised my parents too. So things settled down, we married, and we have been uber-keen on having kids asap - him slightly more so than me even. So we have been trying. It’s been a while with no pregnancy so we took some fertility tests.
We just had results today. Mine came back good. His showed up as no sperm whatsoever. The doctor asked him if he takes testosterone and my husband replied 12 months ago. The doctor said he’d expect sperm to recover in 3-4 months which means we need to take a load more tests to figure out why there’s no sperm.
My first reaction was to comfort obviously, but when he heard 3-4 months, my husband seemed less deflated than he had been when he first heard the results. So after we said goodbye to the doctor, I asked my husband "was 12 months really the last time you took T?"
After some back and fourth he admittedly he last took it two weeks ago. I am fuming. He lied to me. He’s been wasting my time. He risked our future child’s health. He risked his own health. He risked our future.
But he’s mad at me for not being supportive and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable in my reaction. He thinks I should be focussed on resolving the issue rather than the "why." That I married him knowing his history so I should be okay with it. He’s making me doubt myself.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Relative-Act5470 said:
You’re surprised that the man who lied to you multiple times about drugs was still doing them even after he promised you he wouldn’t? NTA but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response.
salbwassfith said:
You married him knowing the omissions, half truths and excuses, not his “history”. NTA obviously, and look, I don’t want to be the average Redditor suggesting divorce, but on the very least this warrants couple counseling to get to the root of his lying. Individual therapy for him too.
No1LikesTheCowboys said:
He likes "trying to have kids" not the actual having them.
MaineHippo83 said:
He will always put his working out before you and the kids, is this who you really want to have kids with?? NTA.
Ok_Childhood_9774 said:
NTA, and this is divorce-level deception for me. It's clear he's not ever going to give it up, no matter what he "promises." He let you go through the expense and inconvenience of testing to try and hide his using from you. I would not want to have a child with this man.
CalicoHippo said:
Counseling. Stat. He has been using this whole time, do you really think he can stop for 3-4 months or more likely, longer? He’s been lying to you and giving you half truths for years now. YEARS. You need marriage counseling. NTA.