'AITA for being snarky and defending myself at a big wedding?'

"AITA for being snarky and defending myself at a big wedding?"

My cousin Titus was getting married and a few weekends ago and it was a 3 day event, think drinks/reception Friday night, wedding on Saturday evening, and then a Sunday brunch. It was beautiful.

My husband and I came in from over 12 hours away and we were only able to make the Wedding and the Brunch portions. Anyway, here's there crux of the issue. I wore a dress that I've worn to my other two cousins weddings. I wore it to Connie's wedding in 2015 and I wore it to Jay's Wedding in 2019.

Jay comes up to me at the wedding and says, "I see you are wearing THAT dress again!" Side note: Jay always says hateful and mean things to me for some reason, like low-key digs.....she has made fun of my dad having a drinking problem often when we find ourselves together for whatever family reason.

It's kind of like she looks for any excuse or opening to bring it up, I've definitely noticed a pattern. It has made me a little hostile towards her but to keep the peace I just try to change the subject.

Anyway, something about this comment upset me because who cares if I re-wear a dress? So I responded, in front of others, "I chose to wear something I feel I look good in...why did you choose what you are wearing?"

Here's where I think I'm the AH.....Jay just had a baby 10 months ago and has always struggled with her weight, where I have not and I could tell she was clearly hurt and at a loss for words.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

rattyparsley said:

Sounds like Jay was trying to bring you down to make herself feel better. I get why you snapped back; sometimes, you just have to defend yourself. Reusing a dress isn’t a crime!

servnc$$tt said:

NTA I’m tired of people telling someone to “ take the high road” “ be the bigger” bull#@$t. She want to tussle and you give back the same energy . Next time they gonna remember to stfu.

lovescarats said:

NTA, a few more goes and she might actually stop. She asked you delivered.

midwest73 said:

NTA - She likes to bring you down to make herself feel better. Stop worrying about how a bully feels when the tables are turned. She is a bully. Her past lack of feelings for you and anyone else invalidates anything she feels now.

DaisyFallon said:

NTA - Looks like Jay simply uses criticism as her conversation starter. The pettiness of her comment really needed no reply, yet a quip in defense shouldn't cast you as the villain. You're simply choosing not to be her emotional punching bag. Your wardrobe, your rules.

Bont_Tarentaal said:

NTA. Jay should have kept quiet, or said something nice instead.

Contribution4afriend said:

NTA if she is always doing attacks like these. You should keep using more of those for future references like: you know, it took 6 months for Jane to lose half her pregnancy weight, you seem not even close to that.=

Or, are you pregnant again?; Might also use some of the "of course I am wearing my good luck dress, it always brings a nice and long marriage for the couple, too bad I couldn't wear it on yours, you know."

"Oh yes, this dress, I am very fortunate to always fit in it but also to have my husband deliciously remove it later. He loves weddings just because I wear this piece."

ChimoEngr said:

NTA. That was a snappy comeback to an insult. It's also only a comment on her weight, if she decides to make it one. There are plenty of reasons unrelated to someone's size, that can make clothes look bad on the wearer.

Present-Reflection84 said:

NTA, Jay shouldn’t be a mean girl.

Alarming_Reply_6286 said:

Why do adults feel the need to diminish or attack each other? So immature & unnecessary. Jay said what she said. You certainly had the choice to say nothing but instead you said what you said. You both hurt each other. Now you’re even. ESH