"AITA for being upset about not being included in pictures at my daughter's wedding?"
"For being upset about not being included in pictures at my daughter's wedding?"
My daughter (32) finally got married last week. She and her now husband have been together 11+ years and this is something the whole family had been waiting to happen for a long time.
They had been engaged for 4 years and I honestly didn't think her man would ever take the plunge. She called me 2 months ago and we got busy getting ready. She already had her dress, they just wanted a small wedding with family and a few friends.
I offered to make her bouquet and then we decided I would make all the corsages and boutonniers. I told her it was my gift even though the amount changed and she did offer to help pay. It was my gift so I just dealt with it.
They had a hard time finding a place for the wedding. I'm a member of a veteran's organization so I suggested having it at the local post and I would reserve it. I made a donation to them as well even though they let us use the facilities for no charge.
Both my oldest daughter (bride's sister) and I were worried about my ex husband and his wife and their drama during the wedding but we were determined that this was youngest's day and we would deal with whatever. I got to the place to set up and ex got there soon after and no, he didn't offer to help just stood around watching us move chairs and tables.
After the ceremony, I was still working in the background getting the place cleaned up as there was another event happening after us, and waiting for my turn for a picture. As I was putting everything away I noticed everyone had left for the reception without grabbing me for a picture. I thought, OK, we'll get a picture at the reception which was at a different location.
I got there and my kids were waiting on me to enter. I did, then the new couple entered and I went to see about the picture and of course got pulled away for help with the food. It was quick but when I went to get my daughter she had already changed and I had to help with something else. I got so busy I didn't think about it until we all got back to their house and by then I was so tired I just went to bed.
I thought I let it go until a few days later, my daughter texted me and oldest in a group text and asked us to send any pictures we took. My husband sent me what he took and then was upset with himself for not having any pictures of me but he had some with her and my ex.
That's when I realized they completely ignored me during that time. I texted that somehow I wasn't in any pictures and and oldest wondered if the photographer got any with me. I said probably not because no one came to get me for pictures.
Dead silence from both girls for 2 days. I was so hurt and I didn't want to talk to anyone because I didn't want to say something I might regret. Youngest still hasn't even reached out to me but she did talk to her brother who knew how hurt I was and she said was going to make it up to me. AITAH for being upset and feeling slighted about this and not wanting to let her "make it up to me"?
EDIT:
My kids and I are all pretty close even though we live miles apart. The photographer was a friend of the bride and groom. My oldest is an actual wedding photographer, and she reached out and said she should have known better and said something, and she feels terrible.
The oldest was the officiant for the wedding but totally hates her bio dad and step mom and avoided them as much as possible. I appreciate all the comments and will update if bride talks to me.
I and my ex walked my daughter down the aisle. That was her request that i give her away. She then added her dad to that later. I enjoyed the wedding ceremony very much.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mtngrl60 said:
NTA. How the hell do you get married and not have your mom in any pictures? How the hell do you let your mom get you your venue and make a donation which is the appropriate thing to do and make all of the boutonnieres and corsages… Even increase in the number…
And somehow missed that your mother is not in any picture? That’s really fucked up, and you have every right to be hurt. I’m not sure how the hell she thinks she can make that up unless she’s planning on getting divorced, and married again at some point in the future… At which time I would highly suggest she does not ask you for anything.
No-Cucumber-2421 said:
Your feelings are valid; being excluded from pictures is hurtful.
zhyrafa said:
NTA you have a right to be upset and its very crappy of them to treat you like this. I know its her wedding but parents should be on the top of the guests list. I understand the budget etc and help needed but I am pretty sure she could have had someone else to take care of chairs, food and have mother around, let alone to be in the pictures. She owes you an apology big time.
czzyp said:
NTA. I think I would be most hurt that during all the opportunities for photos, your daughter didn’t even think of you at all. I’m sorry. I would be extremely hurt. Has your daughter even thanked you for the enormous amount of work that you did for her day? It sounds like you are taken for granted rather than appreciated.
JackStretcher74 said:
NTA how would one go about making something like that up to someone?
ginalook said:
NTA, but all your children are for not helping you with the setup on the day.