"AITA for boycotting Thanksgiving with my family?"
AITA for boycotting the holidays this year? I am the older sister and have one younger sister who is about a year and a half younger than me. We are both in our twenties but do not get along. She has been tormenting me for about two decades now.
For context, she and a friend dumped a bucket of mud on me while I was wearing white. She made up a song and dance to insult my face. She then taught it to her friends and they would “perform” it for me. She started gross rumors about me in our high school/small town that were false and damaged my character. She pulled my hair out to the point that I had a bald spot.
She has consistently ignored me and my friends. While my sister was a guest in our home, she acted as if my roommate did not exist. She does not share anything about her life when I ask. She has never asked me about mine. She has never invited me to visit her. She has repeatedly ignored me and my parents. She regularly insults me and puts me down in conversation.
She has ignored the birthday presents and happy birthday text messages I have sent her. When our parents made us go to sibling therapy, she laughed at me when I cried and shared that I had been hurt by her previous behavior. A few years ago, she had what can only be described as a tantrum at Christmas. She crumpled up the paper game I had set up and stormed out of the room.
This followed her getting drunk, continuing to get my drunk Aunt intoxicated to the point of embarrassment, and insulting my mother at a Christmas party. I then decided that I had had enough. This hadn’t really been an issue until recently since she lives in a different state and doesn’t care to visit our parents often.
However, she decided that she actually wants to come home for the holidays this year. Last year, she didn’t come home for Christmas because she wanted to go on a 10 day vacation with her boyfriend to Mexico that started on December 27th. Anyway, this year she said she is coming to thanksgiving and Christmas. Because of this I do not want to go.
She has a history or making me uncomfortable, and I do not want to have another miserable holiday because of her immature and rude behavior. I work a very stressful job with few days off. I don’t want to spend my precious time off with her, especially if it will make me uncomfortable. My parents are upset that I don’t want to go. They “wish we could just get along.” AITA for ditching the holidays?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Fine-Assignment4342 wrote:
NTA and I hate this "Wish you can get along" crap. When one person is constantly starting stuff its not up to the other person to tolerate it.
mrslll wrote:
NTA. Please hear me. I'm old af. Could be your grandmother. Setting boundaries is never wrong. "Just get along", "Be the better person", "It's only for a few days", "Do it for me".... All BS. NEVER MAKE YOURSELF SMALL. Please. Never do it again. You have set your boundaries.
YOU are the only person who can adjust them Your boundaries exist for your protection. You deserve to be safe. You don't deserve to be sacrificed for your sister's, or your parents, wishes. No one else will protect you, except you. Be who YOU need you to be. Not who someone else needs you to be. Speaking from decades of personal experience. Don't be me. Don't do that to yourself.
bigintheusa wrote:
Send this post to your parents and your sister if you want to send them an explanation for why you are not a punching bag, to not be run over like roadkill, to not be danced on like a grave, to not be lied about by mean girls, or to not agree to being mistreated by the village idiot.
Doesn’t the Declaration of Independence say we are allowed life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? If that means peacefully avoiding the devil, NTA.
PinkieFlamingo78 wrote:
NTA. But your parents failed to protect you and allowed your sister to behave like a monster. Still behaves like one now. I think you should ask your parents to set aside one holiday for you without her there, and if they refuse, then maybe consider stepping back from them as well.
DinaFelice wrote:
"They 'wish we could just get along.'"
"I wish we could get along too. It's a shame that her behavior was never corrected...I gave her so many chances to have a cordial relationship with me, and she's thrown every opportunity away."
"At this point, it seems quite unlikely that she could ever apologize and make up for her actions (if she even cared about that, which I doubt she does), but I'd be willing to at least hear her out."
"Until she demonstrates sincere remorse and finds a way to make it all up to me, it's really unfair of you to try to pressure me into subjecting myself to her mistreatment again. I understand that she's your daughter and I'm not asking that you don't see her...but I do need you to accept that I'm going to protect myself by not attending an event with my tormenter."
NTA. Your parents are though, both for failing to protect you from her when you were younger and for trying to guilt trip you now
No-Bookkeeper3641 wrote:
NTA. Sibling mistreatment is very real. your parents don't want you to get along. Your parents want you to be okay with her horrible behavior so that they don't have to take the responsibility of dealing with her.
They are relying on the fact that you are a good person, but also a doormat. If someone pulled my hair until I went bald, and then spread rumors about me in school, I would never speak to them again, let alone send them birthday wishes and spending my money getting them! DON'T GO TO THANKSGIVING.