"AITA for changing my bachelorette?'
I (28F) have a wedding in fall 2026 and for spring 2026 I had planned for a local small bachelorette. 3 days 2 nights in Aspen with hiking, a spa and some other activities. I mainly did it to be accessible for my friends 2 of them are local and they both said they could go. But then one of them said they couldn’t go.
This friend said she didn’t let her husband go to his friend’s bachelor trip because she was worried about some funny business because it was a Vegas trip and he was with friends who she said are “trouble." So they apparently made an agreement she cannot go on bachelorettes either to be fair.
I tried to compromise with her until she made it clear her husband wouldn’t let her on any overnight trips without him and I’m not about to have a bachelorette trip with her husband. I asked for feedback on this trip since spring of this year and it’s been an endless back and forth of what her husband will and will not allow and it’s so exhausting...
I basically told her I wasn’t switching more plans and I want an overnight bachelorette and we can still hang out outside my bachelorette. Talking to my other 2 bridesmaids they are open to Europe, actually one is in London now as she works there and is just coming back to the US for my wedding. So we actually planned it to be in Greece and it’s a week in Greece.
My other friend is very happy as she and her husband wants to visit Europe anyway as they have family so the plan is for her to spend a week with me in Greece and then 2 weeks with her husband visiting family. I think this is the best for everyone as I’m not able to get PTO for the honeymoon until months later so this is my vacation for this year.
But my bridesmaid who isn’t able to attend isn’t happy because she feels excluded as I won’t make the bachelorette local and no overnight trips so she can attend. I told her we can hang out and even gave her dates I’m free for a weekend day trip but she is barely talking to me.
I feel guilty but I don’t know how I’m supposed to accommodate now that flight are paid for and what she can do is so restrictive. But AITA here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SomewhatBougieAuntie said:
NTA. Your friend's marital problems are not yours, nor are they your concern.Enjoy your trip to Greece.
SkynetKITT said:
NTA - it is your wedding and she is trying to hold you hostage to her agreement with her husband. She is telling you that you aren't allowed to do what you want with other friends because she couldn't trust her fiance at his bachelor party, and now feels left out??? She has serious trust and control issues.
AdAdmirable433 said:
NTA - expecting someone to have a local one day bachelorette party bc they are insecure with their husband is wild.
C12_H22_O11 said;
Nta - but you might need a different bridesmaid.
GlossyP said:
NTA in any way. Your friend has learned the lesson about making rules that she thought would only go one way and surprise that is not the case. This is her problem. Have a wonderful time and congratulations!
Ok-Aardvark-6742 said:
NTA. The issue is between your friend and her husband, and she’s the AH for making it an issue between you and her. Have your bachelorette wherever you want, she needs to work it out with her husband.