'AITA for disinviting a friend to my birthday because of the food she was bringing?'

"AITA for disinviting a friend to my birthday because of the food she was bringing?"

Hi guys, I'm using a throwaway for this one. So basically I (17f) am having my 18th at my house. It’s just a dinner with my closest friends. I told everyone they may bring food if they like but I'm going to doing little cooking like some bbq food and then ordering pizza.

My guy friend (“Ryan”) asked if he can bring a mutual friend we have (“Emily”)since they’re dating now. I told him yea sure because he was gonna leave early anyway. She offered to make food and I told her that would be really nice but she didn’t have to. She insisted.

I made a group chat of people coming and I invited Emily to it. I sent a message talking about when to come, to wear whatever. An important thing in the message was about allergies. I have a friend coming with a really serious nut allergy.

I’ve never seen them have a reaction but I’ve been told it gets pretty bad. I wrote in the message to triple check your food doesn’t have nuts and to be aware of cross contaminating. Everyone read the message, some replied. Emily did a thumbs up on the message.

Last night me and Emily were talking and she mentioned the food she made. I told her to show me a picture and it was a cake. The cake looked like something my mum had made before and it contained nuts. I asked if it had nuts and she said yes but not a lot and my friend could just not eat the cake.

I told her I’d rather she just didn’t bring it. She then got mad and said she’d gone through the trouble of making the cake so she’s bringing it or she isn’t coming. I told her then she’s not coming because I was clear about my friend's allergy and even cross-contaminating was asked to be checked, so why would I allow her to bring a whole cake?

She said it was disrespectful to disinvite her and that she’s Ryan’s girlfriend, if he’s going she’s going. I told her no, it’s my party and I didn’t want her there anymore because she was acting like a child. She stopped texting me but then I got a call from Ryan saying I was being a massive d and she spent ages on the cake.

I said I don’t care if it took her two whole weeks to make the goddamn cake, I was specific from the beginning on what u could bring and couldn’t. The only thing you couldn’t bring was something with nuts. The parts where im talking to these two is where I may be TA. I asked if she’s incompetent of reading and comprehension and if she really doesn’t know any other cake recipe.

He said I was being a b and hung up on me. Ryan is telling everyone him and Emily are not attending because I called them names and rejected Emily’s cake. A lot of friends, mostly ones not coming to the party, are saying it was slack to let her make something and then uninvite her because of what she made and she put effort in that cake for MY birthday.

There’s only three people saying I am not an AH and one of them is my friend with the nut allergy. My party is tomorrow and I kinda want persepctive on this before then. AITA?

After reading some of the comments, OP edited the post to include:

EDIT: the cake is something like a spongey cake but it’s not an actual birthday cake with frosting. I really don’t know how to explain it but it’s seen as more a “treat” cake where I live if that makes any sense at all.

2nd edit: three things: I'm a girl, guys lol. the friend with the allergy is a guy. also the comments calling my post fake are boring atp, I am not responding to heaps of comments because there’s more than a thousand of them. and lastly, I did thank her before she made the cake, when she told me she was gonna bring one.

I said it was really sweet and thanked her for bringing a cake/thinking to make one for me. I am responding to some comments but obviously I didn’t expect this post to blow up like it did so it might take me a while, I am trying to read as much as I can ! :)

3rd: guys please look up allergies that can be airborne before you comment. it’s not propaganda or being sensitive. I am not gonna debate whether my friends allergies are really that serious. the point of the post was asking if I was TA for what I called her, and disinviting her, if you read the title.

I wasn’t asking for your opinion or medical advice regarding the allergy. seriously guys google is extremely free and easy to use. ALSO!! ty for all the bday wishes :)))

Here's what people had to say to OP:

nephylsmythe said:

Op: don’t bring anything with nuts

Em: ok

Em: I’m bringing a cake with nuts

Op: don’t bring it

Em: I’m not coming then

Op: ok.

NTA.

LdiJ46 said:

You need to tell every friend who is giving you grief that you specifically told Emily that she could not bring anything with nuts. She made a cake with nuts anyway and insisted that she was going to bring it even though you said no. THAT is why she was disinvited.

Living-Ad8963 said:

Cross contamination doesn’t just occur while cooking something or in ingredients. It occurs when someone eats a piece of cake with nuts, touching it with their fingers, and then touches some serving ware or a door handle or other common surface. If the next person to touch that is the nut allergy person, that can cause a reaction.

They can "not eat the cake" and still have a reaction caused by the nuts in it. (This is why so many schools and preschools are nut free). Ask Emily if she is willing to sign a legal document accepting responsibility for all costs and damages arising from triggering a nut allergy by bringing a cake with nuts after she was specifically told not to use nuts. NTA, and thank you for protecting your friend.

MistressofaDM said:

NTA...better to lose a friend than to kill one.

keesouth said:

NTA ask them all if they think it's worth risking a medical emergency just so she can bring a cake. Ask them what's more important, a cake or their friend's life.

mochi7227 said:

NTA. She’s trying to kill someone. On your birthday. Definitely you’ll get implicated.

MoulanRougeFae said:

NTA. Protecting the person with the nut allergy comes before anything else including feelings. There's no option. No nuts was extremely clear yet Emily went and decided to make a cake with nuts. That's on her. Ryan and Emily aren't good friends.