"AITA for dumping a guy after being blindsided?"
I (33f) moved across the US last year to go back to school and change careers. I am living with family until I get a job in my desired field, probably another year, because I finish schooling for my dream job in the fall of 2026, and will be in my own place by spring of '27 the latest. I work and do school, plus spend time with the family, so my time is limited and very valuable to me.
I met this guy (37m) 4 months ago and we have been dating since. Everything was going great. I was upfront about my living situation, because I don't want to bring anyone home with my family there. He told me about his job, his place, his family, his dog. We shared similar desires of the future, multiple common interests, and values.
He is very sweet. He cooked me dinner one night, at his parents house because they were out of town and he was pet sitting for them. Well, I passed my final for one of my classes just before Christmas and he took me to dinner to celebrate. We decided to play a video game together at his pace after dinner so I followed him there in my car.
We arrived at his parents house. I asked him if they were home, he said "probably." I was definitely unprepared to meet them, and his sister who was visiting from out of state. He had previously invited me to Christmas eve with his family, but I had declined...
Partly because I wasn't really sure about the relationship yet and partly because I had to work on Christmas and only had Christmas eve to spend with my family. Before going in, he stopped me and told me that he lives with his parents and he was too embarrassed to tell me before that.
He also unloaded that his job is not as stable as he led me to believe, but he has some ideas of things he would like to do for work in the future. As I mentioned before, we had been dating for months! He had so many chances to tell me this information before the MOMENT before walking inside. I was surprised, but hid it well.
I go in, we continue our evening as planned, but I am freaking out in my head. He never directly said that he has his own place away from his parents, but he heavily implied. (I had asked if he lived near his parents during the dinner he made me, and his response was "I live nearby.")
I don't care that he is living with them, a long as it's temporary and with a plan for getting out. I feel like he lied by omission and then manipulated me to meet his family right after telling me so that I couldn't make a fuss about it then.
I don't know what else he would be lying about and don't know if I can trust him going forward. Would I be the AH for dumping him after he unloaded that on me and made me meet his family?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
throw05282021 said:
NTA. He deliberately lied to you about his housing and employment situations. And he came clean at the worst possible moment specifically so that you wouldn't call him out then and there. You have no reason to trust him going forward.
canarylungs said:
NTA. So these are not lies by omission. These are straight up lies. He lied to your face. He lied about housesitting and he lied about his job for four months.
strange_treat89 said:
NTA. He lied. Lie of omission is still a lie and he did it intentionally. You are right to be worried about what else he may be leaving out. You’ve already been unsure, that uncertainty plus this discovery is a good reason to exit!
Secret_Sister_Sarah said:
NTA - He literally lied to you when you asked point blank and he said "I live nearby."
Dittoheadforever said:
Sounds a bit like Failure to Launch. In which case, he is trying to get you to dump him. You're NTA.
Hawkwise83 said:
NTA, but he was probably just embarrassed.