"AITA for excluding my dad's fiancé from my wedding?"
I’m getting married in a few months in a very intimate setting with fewer than 75 guests. Both our sets of parents are divorced and single. At the start of our wedding planning, we agreed that none of the parents would have a plus-one since none of them were in a relationship at the time.
About four months ago, after our guest list was finalized and Save the Dates were mailed, my dad started dating someone. The day we met his new girlfriend, he asked if she could attend as his plus-one and offer us $50 (which is only a fraction of the cost per person). We told him, "At this time, we aren't sure if we can accommodate her since RSVPs haven't been confirmed yet.'"
A few weeks later, he asked again, and we gave him the same answer. Things were quiet for a while, so we assumed he was respecting our decision. However, a few weeks ago, his girlfriend texted my fiancée asking what color she should wear to the wedding. We were shocked!
We sent a polite reply reiterating that we still didn’t know if she could attend because the guest list remained unconfirmed. She never replied, but my dad texted me days later saying he "didn't want to create drama, but he really wants her there." We repeated the same stance, and he simply said, "Ok."
Then, about a week later, he sent me a photo of her hand with an engagement ring and the message, "I did a thing." For perspective, they have been together for a maximum of four months, and if they do marry, this will be his third marriage. AITA for still not wanting a near-stranger at our intimate wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Krystle_meth_ said:
YTA for not just giving him a straight answer.
LingonberryPrior6896 said:
Why don't you just say no instead of stringing him along. You have to know your count at this point and you don't want her there. YTA for this.
GeomEunTulip said:
Not for not wanting a relative stranger at your wedding, but YTA for stringing your dad along when you already knew you weren’t going to invite his gf to the wedding. You caused this problem.
ughasifgirly said:
NTA for not wanting her there. It’s your wedding and what you say goes. However, YTA for beating around the bush and blaming that you have not received the RSVPs as the reason why. How is he supposed to respect your decision when you have never clearly set a decision. “We’re unsure yet” is not a no and it’s not a decision.
WTF_People__Grow_Up said:
NTA but you need to learn how to say "NO." It's really easy.
Taisiecat said:
A bit YTA. 75 guests is not "very intimate." You complain that your Dad didn't respect your decision but you didn't make a decision. You just gave him excuses as to why you weren't making a decision. Like it or not they are now engaged so she's a significant person in your Dad's life, not just a casual plus one.
It's up to you, it's your wedding, but what are you really achieving by excluding her, except to put your relationship with your Dad at risk. Also, don't be entirely surprised if your Dad decides not to come if his fiancee is not allowed to.