"AITA for excluding my widowed SIL from Christmas?"
I really don’t know if I am a huge ahole or not. This has been a very long year and I will be as clear as possible. My brother passed earlier this year and my parents have not been dealing with it well. His wife (Hazel) before his death did not get along well with our side of the family especially my mother. I know I am bias but she has been royal witch to my mom and me.
My brother had a kid prior to being married to hazel (she was his stepmom and never adopted him) I got custody of him after my brother passed (bio mom is in jail). One of the biggest bad points in the relationship was her lying about my mom. She claimed my mom was calling her names.
She was not and only came clean after mom was uninvited from their wedding and missed it. She apologized to the family about that (it wasn’t a good apology because she basically claimed it was a big misunderstanding).
After that she was passive aggressive to me and my mom. She didn’t listen to boundaries (especially with touching) and snide mean comment the whole time. When it was brought up, they claimed we were being sensitive (we were not, she literally called me ugly multiple times in “polite ways”) I am very happy they didn’t have kids together.
After my brother died and I filed for custody she did a 180. She was nice and it is weird. I know it’s to try to stay close to my nephew ( he is 6). My parent can not host Christmas this year so I am hosting.
She texted me asking when Christmas dinner would be and any ideas for presents for my nephew. I told her she is not invited. That this is just immediate family event and I need to prioritize those people and she is not that anymore. In short I was called a petty b.
Note: before I get flooded with the same question. My nephew never mentions her, he calls her by her name and his bio mom was in his life before she went to jail. That is the only person he called mom. My nephew has turned down seeing her before and ignores her when she tries to talk to him.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Certain_Candidate248 said:
YTA I think. This whole big long story is about you and your mom and not about your nephew. Would you nephew like to see her? Did she ever mistreat your nephew? This is about him. He already lost one parent, and if she has been his "mother" for 6 years who are you to take her away from your nephew. YTA if your nephew wants to see her. Not only are you being petty you are being cruel to your nephew.
RindaC10 said:
NTA. Why have someone disrespectful coming to Christmas? Nah.
JellyfishSolid2216 said:
NTA. You brother’s bad taste in women doesn’t mean you have to endure her forever.
diminishingpatience said:
ESH. Who do you think looks good after this?
demoniclionfish said:
You're kind of TA, but the situation sounds like an asshole is exactly what's warranted to counter her behavior. Is she the one who called you a "petty bitch" or did someone else?
IAmJustAHusk said:
Family is irrelevant in this case, why would you invite someone to the holidays who is rude and mean to you? That’s why I don’t visit my parents on holidays anymore and we’re about as related as you can get. NTA.