"AITA for expecting my friend to buy me a gift I asked for?"
Me (19F) and my friend (19F) have been friends since kindergarten. Our relationship was pretty rocky during our teens since we outgrew each other, but we ultimately stayed friends as we share the same values and hold each other dear. I see her as my little sister, and I love her very much.
However, she takes me paying for everything for granted. When we stay at MY house, I pay for her food, water, etc. This year, I decided to buy her three gifts: our favorite childhood toy (she talks about it 24/7) and some decorations for her apartment.
I haven’t asked for anything in return for years, so when she went to Italy around a week ago, I asked her if she could get me my favorite chocolate that isn’t available in our country.
Yet, she didn’t. She told me she forgot about it and that she’ll buy me some cheap chocolate from our regular marketplace. I was pissed. I didn’t say anything since I didn’t want to cause unnecessary drama, but now I just want to keep the things I bought her out of spite.
It frustrates me because she’s in a way better financial situation than I am. Her parents bought her an apartment at 19, meanwhile I’m still stuck at my parents’ house, a broke student, yet I manage to get gifts for all my friends every year.
I asked my other friend for an opinion, and she told me not to judge too early as some people keep it a surprise/think of a new gift. Yet, I absolutely feel like she’s going to disappoint me and not get me anything. Am I the ahole for being mad?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
dollcloudette said:
Exactly, I totally understand why you’re upset. It’s clear that you put in effort for her and showed your love, but it seems like she didn’t value what you did. It might be a good idea to talk to her calmly so you can express your feelings and clarify each other’s expectations in your friendship.
Endl355ly said:
YTA for keeping score like this. If you're upset about always paying, stop paying. If gift-giving feels like a transaction where you expect something back, stop giving gifts. You can't be generous and then get mad when people don't reciprocate at the level you want—that's just building resentment with extra steps.
The chocolate thing sucks, sure, but withholding gifts you already bought out of spite is petty. Either talk to her about the one-sided dynamic or accept that she's not a gift person and adjust your expectations. You're turning this friendship into a balance sheet and that never ends well.
Maiden_Far said:
You didn’t ask for a gift, you asked her to pick you something up while she was on vacation. She had a lot on her mind and chocolate was probably the least of it. Honestly, stop paying for things. If you’re gonna keep score about how many gifts you give versus how many you get, salvage the relationship and just take that little problem off the table.
wesmorgan1 said:
Sometimes stuff just happens...and sometimes folks just forget. Gifts shouldn't be transactional; if buying gifts for your friends leads to bad feelings if they don't do the same, then you probably need to limit how much you spend on them. N-T-A for being sad that she forgot, but YTA for being mad that she forgot.
schec1 said:
ESH, OP for expecting a gift and for “keeping score” of gifts given especially the water the friend had at her (actually her parent’s) house. Friend sucks (to a lesser degree) for forgetting the special Italian chocolate that OP asked her to get on her trip.
Endl355ly said:
YTA for keeping score like this. If you're upset about always paying, stop paying. If gift-giving feels like a transaction where you expect something back, stop giving gifts. You can't be generous and then get mad when people don't reciprocate at the level you want—that's just building resentment with extra steps.
The chocolate thing sucks, sure, but withholding gifts you already bought out of spite is petty. Either talk to her about the one-sided dynamic or accept that she's not a gift person and adjust your expectations. You're turning this friendship into a balance sheet and that never ends well.
ProfessorSherman said:
YTA (though not a huge one). I don't buy souvenirs for family members, much less for friends. And I don't want to deal with chocolate, which could melt in the suitcase when on the plane. Don't expect things from your friend, but also don't buy them things expecting something in return.