"AITA for expecting more from my wife?"
So back in October my wife lost her job. It was a pretty toxic environment and she didn’t want to stay any longer and I encouraged her to quit. I told her I would try my best to support us until she started working. We talked and she decided she would 100% quit and that she wanted to work where I worked.
I let her know she’d have to obtain a certification and become licensed to do what I do. But it doesn’t take long 2-3 months max. So we found a good online school and I paid $800 for her enrollment and to start and it’s $300 a month for 3 months afterwards.
I make enough to support us both but just barely. I get paid bi weekly so on the weeks I don’t get paid I told her we do need a little bit of something coming in every week just in case something comes up. So we talked and we agreed she should go back to Doordashing to help me out just a little bit.
I told her just make $10-$15 a day dashing. Nothing crazy and that’s only about an hour to an hour and a half everyday. I told her even if she brought in $75 a week that would help. She quit October 17th and her last paycheck was October 24th and because how crappy her job was and the shit they put her through I told her to just take a break.
I told her that she doesn’t have to start Doordashing until the following Monday after her last paycheck which would’ve been October 27th. So when we get to October 27th my wife does start her schooling it’s online so it’s pretty flexible and the lessons are only about 3 hours a day.
She did start late that day at around 10am because she didn’t wake up until 9:50. the problem is though she didn’t DoorDash like we agreed. It’s not like she didn’t have time to do it. She just didn’t. I just assumed she needed more time before she started “working” again.
For 2 weeks she was doing really good in school and on top of everything despite still waking up and starting late but she still didn’t DoorDash once the entire time. Everyday I would remind her that we agreed that she would bring in something and that I’m only asking her to make $10-$15 a day...
And she can go right back to school that’s only 3 hours per lesson and considering I’m working 12 hour shifts Monday-Friday it’s really not a lot to ask she could be done with everything before noon and sleep the rest of the day. I didn’t press the issue but I would bring it up everyday.
After about 2 weeks of school. She just stopped putting in any effort and still wasn’t doordashing. She would only do about 20-30 minutes of school every couple of days after waking up late and starting at 10am. And then just not do anything for the rest of the day.
Again everyday I’m reminding her the same thing I’ve been reminding her and all she says is she knows and she’ll start dashing and doing school more. I just let her do her thing and stopped complaining.
Now today is December 3rd. She’s only Doordashed twice since the first time we agreed she would start on October 27th. And as for school. She still hasn’t started back. She actually hasn’t even logged on in weeks.
2 days ago after a long shift and coming home seeing her doing nothing I was frustrated and kinda blew up. I told her she’s not been helpful at all I come home to nothing done, no food cooked and, she’s literally not doing anything every single day. I even asked her to look at her screentime on her phone and show me.
She was on TikTok for 5 hours, iFunny for 2 hours, and Youtube for 3 and a half hours. I said as well she’s being selfish because I’m actively paying for her school with money we barely even have and she’s not even trying with it. The only thing she could say was that I was right and she has no excuse. She apologized and we moved on and had a great night.
Literally yesterday the next day she does the same exact thing. No DoorDash. No school. Instead she took our dog to her parents house and spent the day there. So once again I blew up. I reminded her we just fought about this yesterday after I’ve been asking her to do what she said she would do for over a month. I told her that this is getting out of hand now and that I expected more.
She snapped back and told me that she doesn’t have to do everything I tell her to. And I reminded her again that I’m not telling her to do anything WE AGREED that she would do this. We had a whole day long conversation about what we would need to do if she quit and we made agreements.
Now she’s acting like I’m forcing her to DoorDash and go to school. We went to bed last night not speaking to each other. This morning I called her to talk about it on the way to work and she’s still sticking to I’m trying to tell her what to do. Who’s the ahole here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TerriDiA said:
NTA - Agreements are made for a reason. You supported her decision to leave work in exchange for what was outlined in the agreement, she failed on all of it. Now your out of the money for school and she's not doing any work.
She's TAH here. it also doesn't seem she has any intentions of even trying to help you make things work. Something has to give here. Maybe she needs to be at her parents for a while. Let's see how long they put up with this.
Guilty_Belt3871 said:
NTA. Honestly, she sounds depressed AF and you might need to try and get her friends and family involved to encourage her to do more with her life than just sit around on TikTok all day.
Kukka63 said:
NTA, she is a grown up and needs to contribute, it's appalling that she is okay with you working incredibly hard just to keep afloat. Stop giving her money for anything other than activities that are either studying or getting a job.
Imaginary_Corgi_6292 said:
NTA, but definitely more is going on and she needs to see a therapist. I recommend stopping the school stuff right now as it’s an expense that would best be used for a therapist. She has some depression.
yeahipostedthat said:
NTA. She's a bum. This is what you have to look forward to the rest of your life if you stay together.
GxCrabGrow said:
NTA- depressed or not, she needs to be held accountable