"AITA for exposing my uncle’s affair at a family gathering?"
I (26F) did something really stupid at a family gathering yesterday. To preface, a few years ago, I found out that my uncle, my dad's brother, cheated on his wife with my mother. My uncle has two kids (22M and 18F). Finding out about this whole incident really ruined my relationship with my parents and my family as a whole.
I'm obviously pissed at my mom for doing what she did, and I've also kind of been resentful of my dad for choosing to stay in a relationship with a cheater. But my parents, especially my dad, asked me to not say anything to anyone, especially my cousins, because it wasn't my place to ruin the relationship they had with their dad.
I respected this because my cousins are really close with my uncle, but because I've been bottling this up for so long, I've been pretty angry. I don't really speak with my mom anymore. And I also don't really talk to my uncle for risking the well-being of not only his family, but mine as well.
Because our culture, however, my parents like to maintain appearances, so we occasionally have to have get/together with our other family friends. I don't live at home anymore, and I try my best to not attend these. But recently, it was to celebrate my cousin's acceptance into a tough master’s program and I wanted to celebrate him, so I attended.
It was the first time a lot of my family and family friends were seeing me in months. In my culture, women my age are already getting ready to get arranged married, but I'm pretty against this whole idea because I just haven't found someone I want to marry yet, but my parents and a lot of my family friends are adamant on finding matches for me.
A lot of my family friends at our gathering, including my uncle, kept probing and asking me when I would get married and why I'm so against the idea. I told them I currently want to focus on my job I mean and once I feel financially stable enough and find someone that I like, then I will consider it.
Because of this, my uncle decided that it was a good idea to publicly lecture me, and he went on for almost 10 minutes about being a respectable person in our culture, and maintaining our reputation, and what being an unmarried woman at my age says about my character.
A lot of my family friends were quiet, and no one stopped him. I felt really embarrassed and humiliated, and it felt like all of the resentment that I had been bottling up for the last few years kind of just bubbled up.
In the heat of the moment, I said something along the lines of not wanting to hear about morals, reputation, and being a respectable person from a man who cheated on his wife with his brother's wife. My parents immediately started yelling at me. My uncle and aunt (who also knows BTW) looked really embarrassed, and my cousins were pale in the face.
My younger cousin started to cry. My parents and I ended up leaving the gathering almost immediately after. Ever since this incident, my cousins haven't been speaking to me or returning any of my calls. And while I understand, I feel so guilty for exposing this secret to them. It felt like it wasn't my place or the right time to expose this.
My dad is also extremely mad at me and he says that I betrayed his trust. My uncle and aunt obviously aren't speaking to me, but my uncle has sent a string of hurtful messages to my dad about how I was never taught to hold my tongue as a woman and blah blah blah.
I feel really bad about hurting my cousins because of how close they are with their dad, even though I feel like he doesn't deserve it. A part of me, however, also kind of feels relieved that I exposed my uncle for the terrible person he is. I just don't really know how to feel. So AITA for exposing my uncle because the truth hurts people that don't deserve it?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BigONerd said:
NTA. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Physical_Wedding_229 said:
NTA I'd ask my parents why they didn't step in during this lecture. I'd say the promise to not say anything for your dad was conditional to you being respected and supported.
unzunzhepp said:
NTA. No wonder you don’t want to get married when theirs are the model marriages that you have been subjected to. Cheating and lying. Such lovely communion.
Snack_Powered_Human said:
NTA. This is one of those FAFO situations. Uncle should know people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and your parents should have had your back and shut him down sooner. They are all the ones to blame if anything.
tandard-Watch-1014 said:
Well, done, OP. Well done. That clown had no business lecturing you. Definitely NTA.
Specific_Anxiety_343 said:
NTA. Your cousins will get over it and see their dad for the pig that he is. Your uncle should be reflecting on his own behavior, and figuring out how to repair his relationship with his children. Instead, he is harassing her father? He is a real POS.
Illustrious_March192 said:
NTA. So it’s ok for your relationship with your parents (especially your mother) to be destroyed but keep your mouth shut so your uncle can keep a good relationship with HIS kids? Naw. I’m just not that nice.