'AITA for forgetting to include my sister in my wedding?' 'She didn't get to eat.'
"AITA for forgetting to include my sister in my wedding?"
About a year and a half ago, my fiancée (28F) and I (27F) started planning our wedding. We wanted a small, intimate affair with only 65 guests, including the wedding party. My sister (30F), who stays across the country, was supposed to be my maid of honor, and she enthusiastically helped with the planning until she faced a serious health issue about a month ago.
Due to her health problems, my sister was advised not to travel after her surgeries, which meant she would miss the wedding. After discussing it with my fiancée, I offered to postpone the wedding so my sister could attend, but she insisted we stick to our original plans because she knew how important they were to me.
I told her that i would be replacing her as the maid of honor with my childhood friend, and she was perfectly okay with it. Fast forward to two days ago, our wedding day. Everything seemed perfect until I spotted my sister sitting with my parents during the ceremony. It turns out she had gotten clearance from her doctor to travel last minute and surprised us by showing up.
I was really happy to see her. After the ceremony she came over to talk to me and told me everything. Amidst all the hugs and congratulations, I completely forgot that we had not planned for her to be there. Due to the limited people at the wedding, we had strict seating charts and catered meals for everyone, as well as the wedding favors.
It turns out, my sister didn't get to eat that night and just ate a few of the table appetizers, which were very small. She also didnt have a proper chair and one of the venue workers got her a completely mismatching one from elsewhere, and she had to squeeze in next to our cousin. The wedding party and us (total 9 people) all sat at the front of the hall on a long table, facing everyone.
This morning, my sister calmly called and explained how excluded she felt at the wedding. I told her that yes, we didnt have extra favours/seats because of how strictly we budgeted for it. she understood but also felt that i couldve been more inclusive by asking her to sit at the bridal table since she was originally supposed to be a MOH, or getting her a meal .
She felt very judged the whole night and the least I could do was try to include her after she flew all the way down. I apologized profusely because, had I not been so caught up with everything, I wouldve definitely tried to get her a meal from somewhere.
But I also explained to her that she wouldnt have been able to sit with the wedding party as we had a color scheme that she didnt match, and that she should know how detailed the guest list was for favors/seats.
The conversation got a quite heated , and she said "well i guess it wouldve been better for you if I was still bedridden and i didnt come at all" and abrupty hung up the phone, though I know that line was probably an emotional outburst because of how hurt she was. AITA for not including my sister at my wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LompocianLady said:
NTA. A last minute extra guest at a small wedding is not trivial! Your mom or other relatives should have figured it out for you as, obviously, your mind is highly preoccupied during your own wedding. If it had been me as a last minute surprise guest, I would have eaten before arriving; if I was the mom, I would have split my food with her, as would anyone else in our family.
If seating was a problem any one of us would get up and give up our seat, even if it meant standing or taking turns sitting.Weddings are supposed to be about sharing joy with the couple and family. Though I do wonder about your comment about not matching well enough to sit at your table, that shouldn't have even mattered.
WinterGirl91 said:
NTA she purposely kept it as a "surprise" and then was shocked that you hadn’t known to plan for her attendance.
honey-smile said:
ESH - You for the color scheme comment (I mean really? That’s an AH reason to not invite her to sit at the head table. If that truly went through your head at your wedding, and wasn’t just a heat of the moment thing …. Yikes dude. You’re shallower than a kiddie pool).
Otherwise, I do think that wedding guests often don’t understand that they can’t just show up last minute. These things are usually planned out enough that it’s not easy to add another chair and get more food, especially when you’re paying by head for the caterer and don’t want, or remember, to take time away from the festivities to go reconfigure seating or negotiate for an extra plate.
StrangeLime4244 said:
ESH. She shouldn’t have surprised you, I agree with that. But if that were my sister, I’d forgive it because I’d be so happy to see her, I’d pull up a mismatched chair to the head table, let my mismatched sister sit right next to me, and eat off my plate.
Funkyzebra1999 said:
I was kind of sympathetic until I got to "she wouldn't have been able to sit with us as we had a color scheme she didn't match." At that point, I knew as much about you and your attitude towards your sister as I needed to know. YTA. No wonder she hung up on you.
Oscarmaiajonah said:
YTA. At first, I was instantly going for NTA, an unexpected guest at a catered event is tricky, although I do feel a little more could have been done for her, Im sure an extra chair could be found, and a little food sharing, but then you came out with SHE DIDN'T MATCH THE COLOR SCHEME? and that puts you in AH territory for sure.
SamBartlett1776 said:
NTA. Your sister surprised you by attending. She participated in the planning and knew how tightly you budgeted. Guess the surprise was on her.