"AITA for giving my family a wedding ultimatum?"
My father was absent for most of my childhood. I am the second oldest and he split when I was around 7-years-old. I have three other siblings (my older brother, my younger brother and my youngest sister). Growing up everyone in the family hated him (that includes me ) especially my mother and youngest sister.
My mother was not the best parent, she would be very verbally cruel. My trust in her is also gone due to her lying habit. My father reached out to me when I turned 18 to get coffee. He apologized to me and wanted to fresh start. I was hesitant at the beginning but decided to forgive and move on.
He reached out to the other kids when they turned 18 and they wanted nothing to do with him. (That’s their choice and right). He did explain why he left my mother and I confirmed it with her.
I am now 28 and I don’t regret it at all, he has been a huge help and support to me over the years. My relationship with my mother has been getting worse over the years, especially since she hates my husband to be (she is very religious and he is not).
This is my problem, I invited my dad to walk me down my wedding. I want him at my wedding and to be a part of it. My siblings and my mom are pissed. They told me that if I do this, they will not come to my wedding. They want him uninvited from the wedding and that my mom should walk me down.
I told them no. It resulted in an argument. I told them they need to get over it and I am not inviting him. They said they will not come and I told them that was fine.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
jahubb062 said:
If your mother hates your husband, she really shouldn’t be at your wedding anyway.
Scouthawkk said:
He’s reaching out as each child turns 18. That’s a very specific pattern that says more about mom than dad. NTA. Your wedding, your plan, your rules.
2tiredforthis said:
NTA, it’s your wedding you can invite who you want as a guest. That being said your dad disappeared while you all were kids, left you with a parent that was unqualified by your description, & waited until you all were of legal age/past child support to reach out & try to be present.
That kind of behavior often rubs ppl the wrong way, especially if they feel they had to step into the gap to help support your mom & her kids in any way above & beyond what would normally be expected.
To be clear both your parents suck AND you can invite whoever you like. What you can’t do is make other ppl be comfortable with or accept someone they don’t like. And what you should do if you haven’t already is pursue counseling to ensure your marriage has a strong foundation...
You’ve worked through the baggage your parents have left you before you opt to have a family of your own. Congrats on your engagement & I hope you & your fiancé have a lovely day.
Remarkable-Intern-41 said:
ESH, but softly, almost but not quite NAH. Your Dad clearly did a lot of damage to your family and you're choosing to put him center stage on one of the most important days of your life. There was never a world where this didn't piss off your siblings.
Maybe you could have invited him and not had anyone walk you down the isle/had one of your siblings do it. On the other hand, it's your wedding, you clearly have built a good relationship with him and your family should be more supportive of that. Not a good situation, not handled super well all round but life is messy.
BuzzySwarm said:
NTA. You rebuilt a relationship with him, you are allowed to enjoy the results.
Enuya95 said:
NTA, not only your wedding = your rules and guests, but also it's only your personal choice if you want to forgive your father and keep him in your life or not. Neither your mother nor siblings have any saying on the matter
Mysterious_Battle585 said:
NTA but you knew that. Stick to your guns. Don't let others decide who should or should not be at your wedding or part of it. It's YOUR wedding.
Objective_Air8976 said:
If they don't come they don't come. Stick with your choice NTA.