"AITA for having long hair at my friends wedding?"
I (25M) was invited to be a groomsman for my friend Parker’s wedding. I’ve known him since high school, we became friends through a mutual friend, so I felt honored that he would ask me to be part of the wedding party.
Two days before of the wedding, Parker messaged in the group chat the “dress/appearance” expectations that he and his fiancée, Diane wanted for their wedding. The only thing they expected for hair was “neat and styled”. I’ve been growing my hair out since high school, and keep it long just above my shoulders.
To be courteous, I did ask Parker if there was a specific way I should style my hair; man bun, half up half down, ponytail, etc. He sent the shrugging emoji and said Diane just said “neat and clean." So that’s what I went with. I showered the night before, then ironed and curled my hair before the wedding.
The wedding was amazing! After the wedding was not. A week later I was hanging with Parker, and some of our other friends that were groomsmen too. The wedding naturally got brought up in conversation. Later Parker pulled me aside and said that Diane was upset that my hair was long while the rest of the groomsmen’s hair was short.
(Standard crew cut or middle part) He said he didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently she wouldn’t stop talking about it, and that she HAD told him to mention it to me before the wedding. A friend nearby heard what we were talking about and said he also thought it was weird that my hair was long.
My defense was that the ONLY instruction was “neat and clean," and that I couldn’t have gotten it cut from when Parker and his wife sent their expectations. Parker ended the conversation that he wasn’t bothered by it, but he was cold to me the rest of the night. I want to move on, but I feel like Parker is being passive aggressive and people are taking his wife’s side. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
retrobans1 said:
Big NTA man. Even if they had given instructions about it, it'd be ridiculous to expect a guy to cut his hair for someone else's wedding.
bluepurplepink6789 said:
How exhausting. NTA. Your hair has been long for 7+ years. They knew that when they invited you to be a groomsman. They are upset you didn’t follow what you were not told to do? Just keep your distance. You and your buddy can laugh about it in 5 years after they get divorced. My husband dealt with crap like this and now he is the only one still married.
Emmtee2211 said:
NTA. They knew you had long hair when you were asked to be a groomsman, wtf?
oldnjgal said:
NTA, but I think Parker is going to be henpecked throughout his marriage.
Obvious_Advice1448 said:
NTA. I get it's their wedding, but asking you to cut your hair for it is wild.
Infamous-Purple-3131 said:
NTA. If they wanted you to be in the wedding, they should have accepted you the way you are, and not expected you to change.