"AITA for hiding the Christmas food?"
For the last four years I (41F) have hosted a small Christmas dinner at my and my husband's house. It's usually me, my husband, my childhood friend, her boyfriend, and sometimes my MIL. 3 years ago my BIL came to live with us, and things were fine. Except when it comes to food.
The first Christmas he was here, two days before the Christmas he took half the ham I had bought for dinner. When I talked to him about it, he shrugged it off and said he thought he was "part of everyone," which he is, but he doesn't participate in the family gathering. He stays in his room until everyone leaves.
So last year and the year before I told him "please don't open/take the ham before Christmas dinner, I want to make sure there is enough for everyone" (I get the honey baked ham half ham, which isn't big). But he takes the ham anyway, and doesn't say anything, so it's a surprise when there is half missing.
I have a mini fridge in my home office, so I was thinking to stop him from eating the food early, I should put it in the mini. This isn't the only issue we've had with food. Usually when he needs food he will make a list and give us his CC...
And we will go to the grocery store and buy what he wants, but he will still steal food we bought for ourselves (mostly my food). So, AITA for hiding the ham to stop him from eating it early?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Impossible_Smile4113 said:
My lawdy, you sound like my sister-in-law. No, you are NTA for having to hide what you pay for and are preparing for the family and friends that he is not contributing to. In fact, I would recommend getting a fridge with a latch and a lock to make a point. It's not his food.
He wants it, he can quit being Gollum and deal with the other hobbits. If that's too much for him, he can be a good introvert and wait until after the event to get into the leftovers or provide you his CC for his own honey baked ham. There are options, he's just choosing the laziest, most inconvenient for everyone method he can, even after being spoken to.
I don't know how you or my SIL do it. As an introvert, I couldn't handle my in-laws of any kind living in the house for more than a couple of weeks to get on their feet. Even a weekend takes its toll on me. For years, leeching...nope. I'd be not so politely turning them curbside to live with their other family members or friends.
Such-Problem-4725 said:
Why in all that is holy are you buying his food?!!! He gives you a list and takes yours? So he’s both lazy and disrespectful, well and a thief. Your husband needs to kick him out.
East-Relative2011 said:
NTA but...what does your husband say about this? This is HIS brother stealing from you guys. He should be the one to grow a backbone (does he need some? I got extra) and deal with him. Or you can take BIL's credit card, go buy yourselves a full-sized fridge, and keep it locked. And to crap on your husband a little more: Why is he ALLOWING his brother to STEAL his wife's food?
Professional-Room300 said:
The fact that he steals mostly your food (beyond the Christmas food) shows you exactly what he thinks of you. Why is your husband ok with his brother thinking he is higher in the pecking order than you under your own roof? Why is he not addressing the fact that his brother is sabotaging a family event? Even further, why is BIL still living with you if he can't be respectful? NTA.
appleblossom1962 said:
NTA. Give your BIL the mini fridge and get a lock for the main fridge. He can keep his stuff in the mini fridge and then you know that your food in the big refrigerator will be there.
Sleepy_felines said:
NTA. But just check the mini fridge first- some of them aren’t designed to stay as cold as “real” fridges as they’re only really designed for drinks.
readergirl35 said:
NTA. Is your BIL mentally challenged? I ask because you seem to have accepted that he is going to live with you in perpetuity which is a bit odd for another grown adult unless there is a duty of care involved. His issues with food would make more sense in that context.
If he isn't challenged then he's an AH! When we host a dinner I'm part of everyone, but if never go and eat half of the meal beforehand. I wouldn't need to be told that's an AH thing to do.
He has been told and kept doing it for 2 more years. If he is in his right mind you need to evict him. If he isn't you either need to keep hiding food or find a care arrangement for him.