"AITA for leaving my husband in morning?"
I'm (f35) currently laying in a bed at a NYE party. This is a party that me and my now husband (m36) have been to in previous years (we got married in 2025). It's his friends originally.
When he drinks, he tends to overdo it. He is a fish, and ends up slurring his words and acting drunk in a way that I don't think puts him in the best light. When this happens I try to tell him gently and get him reined in...but because he's drunk, it rarely works and it makes him defensive and mad.
Tonight that happened again, and although I kept reassuring him I am on his team and he was acting in a way that I know he would regret, he didn't agree. I left him be after that and just avoided him so I wouldn't be triggered by this behavior.
I noticed he was gone and I figured he was in the room we are staying in which has an attached washroom. I went in with intentions to check in and recalibrate, and sure enough I heard him in the washroom, however I also noticed my duffle bag with my overnight stuff was upside down on the floor with its content scattered.
I asked him if he threw my stuff on the floor and he confirmed, saying "of course I did, you are treating me like crap." I'm so disgusted right now that I'm considering waking up early and leaving him here. We live two hours from where we are and I don't know how he would get back but why should I care?
He's so disrespectful and honestly I don't want this to be something that continues in our marriage. I feel like I need to send a strong message that this is unacceptable. For added context, we have been actively trying to have a baby for two years. I don't want to be in this situation, nor do I feel I should be.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nick935d said:
Unless he’s able to have a tough conversation when sober this isn’t going to get any better. Especially embarking on the journey of parenting, good luck and stay safe out there.
Kafka_Lane said:
He's an adult. If his decision is to drink, and he knows he's shitty when he does, and has been told by his partner that his behavior is unacceptable when he's drinking, then he's choosing to be crappy. Not okay behavior from an adult.
Unlikely-Lake-8172 said:
Get out now. Before you have kids. Please. I stayed and I regret it. ETA: I did eventually leave, but not before he ruined my life.
Holiday-Most-7129 said:
Omg do not have a child with this person. I sincerely hope you start the new year off right, by putting yourself first and walking away from this mess.
MarissaLaTroienne said:
NTA. Leave, don’t get pregnant. Your alcoholic husband will drag you down and your life will come to a screeching halt. My father was an alcoholic and living with one is a nightmare. I left home at 16 and it was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. And I’m 70 now.
thatboredchickster said:
YTA if you stay and continue to put up with this. He clearly doesn't value you or himself enough to get his drinking in check. Alcohol makes some people mean and you need to think of yourself and your future and any kids you may have. Do you really want to deal with that your whole life? Drunk or sober, he shouldn't treat you that way.
After reading the comments, OP provided an update:
Update: thank you for all the comments so far. I have been reading and thinking about every single one. He just came in the room to get something, mumbled something about me being a buzzkill and then left leaving the door wide open and the light on, which I think was very intentional...so when I got up to turn off the light I locked the door to our room.
My mom lives close to here so I think I will ask her to pick me up in the morning. I'm still not sure what to do exactly but a serious conversation and potentially leaving our home for a while seems like a good first step. I need to rest and gather my thoughts. I obviously love him, I married him just a couple months ago...and I'm not perfect either...I have lots of thinking to do.