'AITA for locking myself in the bathroom with a burrito and pretending I had food poisoning?'
"AITA for locking myself in the bathroom with a burrito and pretending I had food poisoning just to get a break from my family for 47 minutes?"
So, hi. I (33F), a mom of three tiny lunatics (7M, 4F, 2F), have reached the “fakes her own digestive demise for peace” era of parenting. My husband, Chaz (yes, fake name, but it fits the man who once told me “it can’t be that hard to multitask a diaper change and a phone call”), is a decent guy with the situational awareness of a traffic cone.
It started when I told him I might need some alone time because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and he replied: "Didn’t you just have alone time two days ago when you went to Target?" I was buying diapers and hemorrhoid cream, Chaz.
Anyway, fast forward to Saturday. The house looks like a cross between a tornado and a Chuck E. Cheese, the toddler is naked (again), and someone spilled an entire family-size box of Cheerios into the air vent. I'm nursing a caffeine-withdrawal headache because someone (Chaz) used the last of the espresso pods and replaced it with decaf.
I hit my limit when the 4-year-old screamed “YOU’RE A BAD MOMMY” because I cut her banana wrong. I’m not proud, but I grabbed a pillow, a blanket, and a beefy, cheesy, completely undeserved burrito, walked into the bathroom, and declared, “I think I have food poisoning.” Then I locked the door.
For the next 47 glorious minutes, I sat on the floor, ate my burrito in peace, watched TikToks on silent, and made myself a cozy little bathroom cave. I even lit a candle for ambiance. I faked a few groans and flushed the toilet once for realism. I felt like an Oscar-worthy actress.
But THEN...Chaz bangs on the door, yelling that he "doesn’t know how to handle all three kids at once" and that I'm being dramatic. I say nothing. Silence is power. Eventually, I emerge, holding my stomach like I’ve just fought God and diarrhea.
Later that night, I come clean. Chaz says I’m “manipulative,” and that I “abandoned him with the kids.” My MIL (who somehow got involved via FaceTime because of course she did) called me “lazy and disrespectful” for faking an illness.
But like…I cook, clean, work part-time from home, keep everyone alive, and I haven’t peed alone since 2018. So…AITA for faking food poisoning and hiding in the bathroom to eat a burrito alone because I needed one singular moment of peace in this hellscape of a weekend?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PressurePlus431 said:
NTA you have a husband problem you should sit him down and have a serious conversation about burnout and boundaries with the MIL.
chucko427 said:
NTA. You didn’t fake food poisoning, you faked survival in a house where no one listens unless you’re allegedly spewing from both ends. You gave your husband the chance to step up like a partner. He flopped harder than a toddler in a Target aisle. One burrito and 47 minutes in a candle-lit porcelain bunker is not manipulation, it’s self-preservation.
Chaz can’t handle three kids for under an hour, but somehow you’re the dramatic one? Nah. That man got out-parented by a burrito. And your MIL can zip it until she’s done changing diapers and being screamed at over bananas. You didn’t abandon anyone. You reclaimed your damn peace. Bravo, honestly. Academy Award for “Most Relatable Mental Health Break in a Bathroom” goes to you.
CurrentAccess1885 said:
NTA, and I kinda love this lmao if Chaz can’t handle 3 kids by himself for 47 minutes, maybe he shouldn’t have helped you create 3 little creatures that destroy your peace and your home, everyone needs a break sometimes, and you deserve one that isn’t in the bathroom
Civil_Anybody8095 said:
Emergency burrito and fake food poisoning, this is next level survival skills. She didn't choose the snack life, the snack life chose her.
AnxiousTelephone2997 said:
NTA. I’m sorry you had to leave your four children alone for a while, even though one of them is supposed to be grown enough to handle situations like this. I think you need to be incredibly clear with your eldest, Chaz: unless more breaks are going to be built in, you will be meeting The Runny Sh*% Gods at random instead.
BriefHorror said:
Girl get a divorce. NTA god I wouldn’t wish your husband on anybody not even somebody I hate.
Perimentalpause said:
NTA. "You can't handle them for an hour and you think I'm being psychotic for wanting a break after years? Going to the store isn't a break, Chaz. Something's going to happen to make me lose my mind and then you'll be stuck with all three permanently. What then? Mommy going to come bail you out?"