↵
"AITA for lying to my late fiancé's mom about dating again?"
So back in 2021 my fiancé passed away very unexpectedly. We had been together for almost 3 years and our relationship was toxic to say the least. When we were good we were great, but when we would fight it was terrible…I did love him though that’s why I stayed, anyways so after he passed his mom who never really liked me no matter how much I kissed her butt would one minute like me and lean on me.
Unfortunately then the next she’d send me long messages accusing me of all sorts of stuff and kinda threatening me. This went on for about a year maybe over after his passing. She eventually stopped. One thing she kept accusing me of was dating/already seeing new people BECAUSE my fiancé's best friend and me would text about how we missed him and reminisce on old times together!
I was 21 at the time of his passing, 2 years after his death I met a very sweet guy I told him I wasn’t ready to date yet and we would just be friends. We became very close and after a couple of months we began dating, it had at that point been almost 3 years since his passing.
Now I still occasionally see his mom or she calls me, she always makes a point to tell me she couldn’t handle if I started dating again and she prayed I wouldn’t. It’s been almost 5 years since his passing and she thinks I’m still single, even my mom who watched what all she put me through told me not to tell her because my mom knows she’ll put me through heck for dating again, no matter how much time has passed!
I feel terrible for lying to her….but honestly I don’t wanna tell her cause she really acts like it would devastate her. I get told by others I’m just protecting her, but I feel like I’m being an ahole for not telling the truth.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nickelangelo2009 said:
YTA to yourself, cause...why not just...block and forget? what do you gain by maintaining contact with this person?
au5000 said:
NTA. The mother of the deceased bf is a grown woman. You were barely that when he died. I would suggest you send a message saying you wish her well but it’s now time for you to move on with your life and you won’t be in contact again. Then block her. What you do is not her business and keeping her attached to you is going to stop you moving past this relationship properly.
Mullein55said:
Expecting you to mourn your ex for the rest of your life just to please her is beyond controlling and you are buying into it. You are not tied into this woman any more. If you being happy devastates her, that speaks volumes about her. Besides it's no longer her business. Let go of her expectations. Go live your life and be happy.
Upbeat_Weird_7321 said:
NTA. It’s not lying to deprive someone of knowledge that is none of their business. But block her and stop talking to her. She sounds toxic and weirdly obsessed with your celibacy. This isn’t the 15th century and she’s not the head of the local convent, you need a life, block her, move on.
TresWhat said:
YTA. Your relationship with this woman seems to have run its course. She’ll always be his mother but this person, however beloved to you, doesn’t need to be the sole love interest of your life. You should get therapy to help you manage what will be complex feelings and also decide whether you want this woman in your life or not. Good luck.
SweetBekki said:
YTA to yourself. Block this woman.