'AITA for making my husband sleep on the couch?' 'He refused to help me take care of OUR kids.'
"AITA for making my husband sleep on the couch after refused to help me take care of our kids?"
I (33F) have 4 kids with my husband (35M), and our kids are all 4 or under so it's a handful (4F, 3F, 3F, and 1M). A few nights ago after I had been taking care of the kids all day just like usual, dinner just ended and the kids were all settled down for the first time that day so I asked my husband if he could just watch over them while I go shower...
Because truth be told, it had been around 2 days since I last got the chance to take a shower so naturally when I got the chance, I took it. But instead of my him agreeing to simply make sure they don't kill each other, he got upset which I didn't even realize.
So I went and took a shower, spent 20 minutes TOPS so it really wasn't a long time. When I got out my husband was clearly pissed for whatever reason. Which to me made no sense because all of the kids were almost completely silent which was a miracle but I thought maybe his day at work was bad so I asked him what was wrong.
He said that "he couldn't believe" that I would ask him to watch the kids after he had such a long day at work, which completely shocked me. He then proceeded to complain about how they annoyed him the entire time I was in the shower and now he's not going to have any time to relax before bed.
I didn't even think it through at first, but I immediately felt bad and apologized because that's just what made sense to my mind in the moment. Later after I finished cleaning up the house a bit, I don't know what made me do it but something just made me want to check to cameras to see if he was telling the truth, he wasn't.
All I saw on the cameras while I was gone was my oldest playing around with the baby (not making too much noise) and the 2 others just drawing, they didn't bother him at all, and that pissed me off because he lied and made me apologize for no reason.
I immediately confronted him about it and he just said that it didn't matter and I shouldn't have done it knowing he was working all day, which only got me even angrier but I wasn't about to start an argument in front of our kids so I just simply told him he could sleep on the couch that night, which resulted me and the kids having a little sleepover in our room.
Since this whole situation happened a few days ago he's clearly still mad at me and barely has even spoken to me since. I tried talking to some family but they think I might've overreacted, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
alwaysright0 said:
How the f did you manage to have 4 kids in 4 years with someone who doesn't want any? How have you managed to convince yourself that he has no responsibility as a parent?
Glitterbellea said:
NTA...he’s their parent too, not a babysitter, and you deserved those 20 minutes to shower in peace.
Waste-Phase-2857 said:
What did he think you've been doing all day? Relaxing? You have four kids and the oldest is four!!! NTA! Parenting time is shared the moment he gets home from work!
Substantialgood4102 said:
NTA. How do you feel about being a single parent? These are his children too. Does he think you sit around and do nothing all day? Are you a SAHM. If so then you have a 24/7 job.
You need to have a sit down with him and explain fatherhood to him. How would he like to be divorced with 50/50 custody with child support. You would have time to yourself and he can find out what real work is.
Smeggsybabagril said:
NTA. Are you taking care of 4 kids or 5? He shouldn’t have became a father if he thinks he only needs to provide money in a family. I understand coming from a long day of work can be frustrating but you don’t have to lash out or be rude about it.
The part where he lied is absolutely unbelievable and how is HE the one who lied yet HE is the one holding a grudge, that doesn’t make sense. I think you guys should try to communicate better or seek marriage counseling if communication won’t work. There has to be an effort on both sides.
DistributionPerfect5 said:
NTA, let him be mad. The clear statement is you are a single parent of 5. He worked all day? Guess what, so did you, and your workday wasn't even over yet. It's his kids too, so yes, he has to take care of them.