'AITA for not apologizing to my partner for pushing her to go back to work?'

"AITA for not apologizing?"

My partner (F30s) and I (F20s) live together and pay bills out of a shared account. She started a job in early November that she enjoys. We don’t have much in savings so we need our jobs. In the past three weeks, my partner has missed at least one day out of the week for various reasons (period cramps/nausea, bad cold, etc).

For the cold, she missed three days in a row. Besides missing work, she has also left work early a couple of times for the same reasons. The conflict: yesterday morning, she woke up feeling nauseous. She wakes up earlier than me, so when I got up, she was already trying to control the nausea.

I asked if she was gonna be late and she told me she already called off. I got upset because I am concerned about her losing her job at this point. I spent some time looking up how to get rid of nausea fast and we tried some methods (we didn’t have anti nausea medicine). None of them worked and she ended up throwing up.

I asked if she could maybe give it an hour or two until she felt better (her nausea usually goes away after the morning) or try to go in for the last half of the day. She said no and that she wouldn’t want to do the hour long drive for 4 hours of work. I said it would make a difference to show up at all vs calling out for the full day.

Then I asked if she would text her boss and tell him that she’d try her hardest to come in for the second half of the day. My reasoning was, even if she doesn’t make it in, it shows her boss that she’s trying. She also refused this. I said we should compromise and she kept responding with “I hear your concerns”. That basically means no whenever she says that.

This morning, she tried to get to work on time and got sick and dirtied her clothes. She came home and was upset and embarrassed. I feel sorry that she got sick and felt embarrassed. But, I don’t know that I need to apologize for pushing her to try to go to work or communicate with her boss.

I genuinely wanted to compromise yesterday. And, if I had known she felt unwell today, I would’ve suggested again that she try going in the later half of the day when she feels better. I know it’s not my job/not my life, but it effects me so I feel I should have at least some say. She’s upset with me and I need advice.

TL;DR: my partner has missed a lot of work and I pushed for her to try to go in despite her feeling sick again.

What do you guys think? Please be nice and respectful either way.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

_goneawry_ wrote:

I'm from the US, but now that I live in a place that has public health insurance a culture that expects people to stay home when they're sick (and get paid sick days), it makes me so sad that this is even a conflict. Your partner is obviously unwell and I know your household relies on her income but if she gets sicker she might not be able to work at all. Please get her some medical attention.

Aerika wrote:

Wow, you don’t seem to care about her at all? I know things can come off strangely in posting sometimes, but I didn’t really see any sort of concern that she is so sick. She should be seeing a Doctor, not worrying about going to work. And you should be supporting her in getting medical attention, not pressuring her to go to work sick, poor girl. YTA.

BXBae133 wrote:

YTA, first because someone who is throwing up should not be going to work. She started the job in November. Does she have a history of being unreliable or this she is getting hit with sickness on top of sickness. Sounds like she's been sick and now she's puking and her BF is harassing her to go to work.

Stop worrying about her relationship with her boss and trying to micromanage that and how she looks at work. She's either a reliable person going through some shit and you stand by her or she's flaky and you know that and instead of harassing her, get out. So, YTA.

IceRose81 wrote:

YTA for not being more concerned about your partner's health. She is literally sick enough to the point that she has been vomiting 2 days in a row yet you seem to care more about her job than her. It's understandable that you're concerned about finances since you live together and split expenses...but honestly ask yourself what is more important - money or your partner.

drawn_to_purpose wrote:

YTA…firstly being wishy washy about calling in full day or part day would be more likely to piss off her boss than just calling out initially. She heard your suggestions, but she had already made a decision given her health and other factors. The point of communication isn’t just to convince her to act how you want.

You talked and she didn’t agree, obviously she had something affecting her health for multiple days. You say there is a compromise, but offered literally one solution. If you need to talk about finances, then have that conversation. Harping on her when she’s legitimately sick makes you seem uncaring and will just make your communication worse.

Stunning_patience_78 wrote:

YTA to her and everyone she works with. Stay home when you are sick people. She should get a doctor's note to prove it, not go to work. If she stays sick much longer, testing might be required. You're acting like she planned to get sick just as her new job started.

nowaymacaroni wrote:

As you've hopefully picked up by now, your partner's health is the actual concern. She needs to seek medical attention. If this is every week, sometimes multiple times, she's gotta be somewhat dehydrated by now. Instead of demanding she go to work, you should be demanding she go to the doctor.