"AITA for not being excited my friend getting married?"
Me and my best friend (both 22) have been friends since we were little kids. She is getting married in about a week and I can not find it in me to be happy for her. She has been dating this guy for about 6 months, moved in with him after two, and recently he proposed. I congratulated her but expressed my concerns from the beginning.
Since she has a history of kind of rushing into things or being too passionate. But I assumed they were going to wait a bit to get married. Mostly since they have financial issues and aren't very stable at the moment. She has a small child which isn't currently living with her due to these difficulties.
She recently asked for money for her child. I gave it to her. And she later told me she did have money, but couldn't use it since it was for the wedding. I told her she could have said when she asked for it, since for me she could have used the money for her child and move the wedding, but she said she didn't see anything wrong in what she did.
I do not live in the same country as her but I visit when I can. I will visit in January. I asked her if she could wait to get married until January since they aren't reserving a venue or anything and just kind of eloping to a courthouse. I wanted to be there for here like we always said we would be for each other. Plus she would have more time to save money for the wedding.
But she insisted it must be December since people wouldn't have the money to gift them stuff in January after the holidays. Which I guess is valid, but still hurts. I again tried to tell her to maybe slow down a bit. She told me I just see things differently because I "need things to be perfect."
She then said this is the reason I still haven't gotten married (my boyfriend asked me to marry him but we are waiting until I finish college). This made me really hurt. Ever since that day I kind of just continued on.
She keeps showing me pictures of her dress and shoes and asks me why can't I be happy for her. And I don't know if maybe I am too set in my ways to see that I really am in the wrong and being entitled or sm. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mullein55 said:
Wow! So she doesn't have custody of her small child due to instability and financial issues and would rather take from you than use her own money for her child because her wedding comes first! "She insisted the wedding must be in December since people wouldn't have the money to gift them stuff in January."
Your "friend" sounds like a leach. What sort of person schedules their wedding around the value of the gifts they hope to receive? I understand your concerns. You pointed them out so there is nothing more to be said.
She is an adult. Do you need things to be perfect or are you just a shedload more sensible than your friend? Methinks the latter. NTA.
curious_2_curiouser said:
NTA. Thank goodness the authorities or family also share your feelings and have taken her child in to safe care. Sounds like your friends needs to grow up a lot to look after anyone but herself and unfortunately I think you need to protect yourself also, please don't enable her by giving her money anymore.
SigSauerPower320 said:
NTA. I was gonna say you were an ah based on the headline cause it comes across as crappy. But she's only been with this guy for 6 months and they not only rushed into living together, but they're rushing into getting married too. WTF??!! Getting married when you don't even have custody of your child cause of lack of money!
You'd think two adults would put on their mature helmets and see this is a horrid idea. At the end of the day, she's just gonna do what she wants anyway. I'd step back and let her fail if I were you.
wotsname123 said:
NTA. It often happen that we look at our friends and think "if I met you now, would we be friends?" Ask that about this person. She sounds like a bit of a nightmare.
EuropeSusan said:
NTA it seems like you are genuinely worried that she might rush things, doesn't really know the groom, isn't stable and could regret the marriage. Those are valid points, and she will probably see consequences which are worrying. Just tell her this, tell her if he truly lives her he will wait a year or two until she is really ready. but she will probably not believe you.
flowerybutterfly96 said:
NTA. Just smile and nod when she talks about wedding number 1. There will be others unfortunately. She is in love with the idea of getting married. Practical considerations like bills and other pesky things will hit later.