"AITA for not bringing my daughter’s friend home and making her parents come get her?"
My daughter and I live about an hour outside NYC. Since she was a baby, I’ve taken her there most weekends. As she got older, she occasionally brought friends. They always know the rules: bring a bag with things for the train, carry your own stuff, stick together, expect lots of walking, and have fun.
Phones are fine, but I encourage screen-free activities. I always speak to parents beforehand and emphasize the walking, we sometimes walk 45 minutes or more. For her 12th birthday last weekend, she wanted to go to the city with friends, visit favorite spots, have dinner, and maybe see a show.
My mom helped pay for tickets and joined us. My daughter invited three girls: two longtime friends who know the routine and a new friend, “Leah.” I called Leah’s mom, explained the rules, warned about the walking, and suggested Leah bring something for the train since the signal is bad. Leah’s mom said she was excited. My daughter also explained expectations.
On the train, Leah brought only her phone, got bored when the signal cut out, refused to chat or play games with the others, and complained. When we arrived, she immediately asked for a cab. My daughter reminded her we walk.
As we browsed shops, Leah kept whining and asking for a cab. I stayed patient, offered water and snack breaks, and even suggested the subway to be nice, but she refused when she learned what it was.
A few hours in, we stopped for dinner at a place with options for everyone. Leah complained again and said she wanted to go home. I pulled her aside to check if she was sick or upset; she just said it was boring. I told her we’d be there a few more hours for the show, but if she wanted to leave, she could call her mom.
Leah called, and her mom asked me to bring her back. Even if my mom or I left with Leah and took a train back after we dropped her off, we’d miss the show, and my daughter wanted both of us there.
I explained we wouldn’t head back until after the show. Leah’s mom didn’t want to pay for a train ticket or drive. She eventually sent Leah’s dad, who picked her up before the show. Leah stayed crabby through dinner.
Afterward, Leah’s mom trashed me to the other moms, but they backed me up, saying they wouldn’t expect me to cut the trip short unless a child was sick or hurt (which I would do). Now Leah’s mom won’t let her hang out with my daughter. I can’t help wondering if I should’ve just sucked it up and taken her home. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Quick-Possession-245 said:
The fact that Leah's mom won't let Leah hang out with your daughter is a bonus. Leah sounds like she is high maintenance and whiny. Bad influence on your kid. Write it off as an experience your daughter will learn from. NTA.
Heraonolympia123 said:
NTA - mother of a 13 year old here and I would have done the same. I also would not be too fussed about my child losing this particular friend and I wouldnt allow her to come on anymore trips/sleepover/play dates; I've actually banned whiney or difficult children from my house before after telling my child exactly why - they are fine with it.
owls_and_cardinals said:
NTA. That was not a reasonable request. Leah's mom should have told her to cut the crap and do her best to enjoy herself, and stop being so whiny and ungracious. OR if leaving was the preferred solution, they needed work that out. As you said, she was not hurt or injured.
Requiring you to leave the party would not have necessarily been a reasonable thing to ask of your mother - to chaperone three girls in the city for the remainder of the day - and it would have cost you a lot in the lost ticket sales.
This is where Leah gets her entitlement from, evidently. Leah's mom should have been apologizing for her daughter dragging everyone down the whole time. It's unfortunate that your daughter is being punished as a result of this but again, not your fault.
that_was_way_harsh said:
NTA. Oh no, Leah can't hang out with your kid any more? Sounds like a win.
Impressive_Moment786 said:
NTA-Maybe if Leah's mom taught her some manners and how to behave when out with other people, this wouldn't have been an issue. But given that she wouldn't pay for a train ticket or come get her own daughter, you shouldn't be surprised that she is now running her mouth. Probably for the best that they can't hang out anymore.
navanni said:
NTA, and it sounds like Leah’s mom has hopped onto my least favorite parenting bandwagon, which is fostering in kids a belief that it’s OK for them to demand that everything they do be entertaining. Good luck with decades of work in the future, Leah!