"AITA for not cleaning the kitchen after dinner?"
I feel like I could possibly be unreasonable but I don't really think I am. I (21f) live in my childhood home with my parents and I am currently looking to move out soon. I am a full time double major at a college 20 minutes away from where I live and I have a part time job that I work 1-2 times a day and about 2 Saturdays a month.
I am not home a lot of the time, and I skip dinner sometimes because I'm either not home for it or I am just not hungry at that time so I just don't eat. The issues I've been having started basically right after my first year of college. My first year was a breeze and I was home a lot more so I helped clean a lot more than I am able to now.
Currently however, I am consistently getting yelled at for not cleaning up something from dinner that I hadn't eaten. Today was my final straw before coming here. Last night I got home at about 7:30 pm, dinner was over, there was still stuff out to be put away and the dishes needed done and my mom and dad just said their usual "dinner needs put away" and I went to my room.
For reference I have three siblings, ages 17, 10, and 7. They all got up and I assumed they were doing their part since they ate dinner and I did not and hadn't even been home for more than 20 minutes at that point.
Fast forward to this morning and I go to make my breakfast after I got off work (I have work at 6 am) and I move a pan off the stove to the sink to soak for a little bit to make the leftover burnt seasonings and stuff easier to get off and I make my breakfast.
My mom comes into the kitchen and sees the pan I had just moved to the sink and immediately starts yelling at me. Not just yelling, she's cussing at me as well. She says that I should have cleaned the pan last night because she told me to clean up after dinner.
I don't say anything for a minute and I just let her be mad at me, then I tell her I was planning to clean it after I was done making my breakfast, because I was, and she said it doesn't matter because I should have done it last night.
I finish making my breakfast and I clean the pan and I go about my day, but this has happened multiple times that I've been yelled at for not taking care of something not clean or still out from a dinner I never ate or even knew was made because I was staying late at the studio or the library or I was doing the closing shift at work or homework, etc. I feel like I don't deserve to be yelled at for this. So, am I the A-hole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Berwynne said:
Sit down and have a conversation about expectations. You are living in your parent’s home, so it’s reasonable to expect you to contribute. If cleaning up after dinner (regardless of if you ate the meal or not - they still cooked it)...
Does not work for your schedule, maybe there’s another chore you can contribute to the house, like yard work every-other weekend. 4 people cleaning up dishes should be a quick chore, I would hope.
BookBish_3729 said:
NTA. You weren’t even home and didn’t eat with them, why couldn’t the siblings do the dishes? They’re all of capable ages. It sounds like the parents thought they’d get free labor with you at home and honestly, yelling at you was disrespectful. I’d be ready to move out too if I were you.
notfbiinformant said:
NTA. This sounds like a communication problem and time for a family meeting. If you don’t participate in dinner, then you shouldn’t have to touch ANYTHING. Your siblings need to step tf up.
GoetheundLotte said:
NTA! Sure, you live rent free, but if you did not eat dinner with your family, it should have been your siblings (who I assume did eat dinner with the family) who cleaned up the kitchen.
GoetheundLotte said:
NTA!! Sure, you live rent free, but if you did not eat dinner with your family, it should have been your siblings (who I assume did eat dinner with the family) who cleaned up the kitchen.
Ordinary-Audience363 said:
NTA. What's with mothers cursing at kids nowadays, anyway? Getting upset and raising one's voice as a result is understandable but yelling and cursing? She sounds unreasonable.