'AITA for not conceding to my wife’s version of a story in front of friends?'
"AITA for not conceding to my wife’s version of a story in front of friends?"
I’m trying to figure out if I handled this right or if I was being stubborn, so I figured I’d ask here. This happened over the weekend. My wife and I were at a small dinner with two other couples. At one point I was telling a story about a trip we took a few years ago and just a funny moment that came up in conversation. Mid-story, she cut in and said, “No, that was the second night, not the first.”
I said, “I remember it as the first night” and kept going with the story without trying to argue over it. The moment passed and the rest of the dinner was fine. On the drive home though, she brought it up. She said “You didn’t need to push back like that. It came off a bit dismissive.”
I listened and said “I hear you. I’m still okay with how I handled it." In my mind, there was nothing to apologize for, and my comment wasn’t about telling her she’s wrong, because I only stated my side of things without arguing about it.
She got irritated and said I was being defensive and that I “always need to be right.” Her tone got sharper and it stopped feeling like feedback and started feeling like she was arguing about her own feelings with me that I didn’t feel like I was responsible for. I tried to stay calm, but after a couple more comments I said something like:
“Clearly this isn’t really about that comment at dinner. I don’t think this is about me. If something else is bothering you, just talk to me directly, but I don’t love that it’s coming out like this. I’m going to take a walk and cool off, and I’ll be back. Hopefully we can talk about what’s actually going on.”
I grabbed my jacket and went for a walk around the block for about 20 minutes. She did talk to me about what was actually bothering her (unrelated to dinner) but still insists I was wrong and shouldn’t “talk over her." I just said “I get that you feel that way, but I still don’t agree that I caused this.”
I’m not trying to make it a power thing, but I also don’t want to default to giving in every time just to avoid tension. She’s free to see things her way but insisting she’s always right about things steps over the line for me when it comes to whether I feel respected in this relationship and dynamic or not. Which is possibly why I am being a little too particular about holding my ground.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Affectionate_Log7215 said:
Nta. Technically if she didn't need to be right she would have let it go and not have interrupted you.
MeNotYou733 said:
I vote NTA. I just hate it when someone is relating a story or amusing anecdote and their spouse interrupts to correct details that are not significant to the point of the story. Who cares which night it happened?
It’s distracting and steals the moment, ruining the pacing of the story. I decided to quit socializing with one couple because the husband constantly interrupts his wife like this. Not all he does, but that pretty well describes how he behaves in general.
mallad said:
NTA. Regardless what people think on whether you should argue or concede or whatever, the important part is this: She is the one who talked over you, corrected you, and felt she just had to be right. While you were telling a story.
LTZheavy said:
NTA. She got irritated and said I was being defensive and that I “always need to be right.” "You always need to be right" said the woman who went out of her way to correct you on a pretty insignificant detail.
Consistent_Horror103 said:
I don’t know what to actually believe here. Probably ESH. I have a feeling you and your wife see things pretty differently and would be different narrators. I guess even from your narration you sound at least a little dismissive of her and what she says/thinks.
Maleficent-Throat910 said:
Obviously this is more about how you treat her overall and by the tone of your post where you tried to sell us the best version of yourself you still came off as condescending and arrogant so I will go with YTA.