CW: abuse
My fiancé (30M) and I (29F) were actively trying for a baby. This wasn’t an accident — he begged me for a child, begged me to marry him, and I genuinely believed we were building a life together. I’m now pregnant, and out of nowhere, he left me. He moved back in with his parents and started drinking again, which he had struggled with in the past.
This wasn’t just emotional abandonment — when he drinks, he becomes emotionally and physically abusive. He has yelled at me, threatened me, and there were times he put his hands on me. When he’s sober, he’s like a completely different man — calm, apologetic, sweet. It’s a confusing cycle that has really messed with my sense of reality.
Since leaving, he’s been off and on — sometimes ghosting me, blocking me, demanding I bring his things to his parents’ house. I’ve told him multiple times he’s welcome to pick them up at my place, or we can do the exchange at a police station to keep things neutral and safe. He refuses.
Now I’m being made to feel like I’m bitter or withholding for not dropping them off. But I’m pregnant, hurt, scared, and struggling to even process how easily he walked away from the life he insisted on creating. Part of me still loves him, and that makes it all harder. But another part of me is in survival mode. AITA for not just dropping his stuff off at his parents’ place?
Sea_Roof3637 said:
That sounds terrifying. NTA.
BalancedCuriosity said:
Don't let anyone else gaslight you. You ARE pregnant and concerned. You are asking for very reasonable things, and I would stand by those. Make sure you have it in writing that you've offered for him to pick it up in person, or meet at a neutral location.
Quick question, would a place other than the police station work? If he doesn't like that, then he can say goodbye to his stuff. Him leaving you is his problem, his stuff is his problem.
FigNewton1962 said:
I had this happen and set a deadline. I put his things on the patio. Told him he had until Sunday afternoon. Left town for the weekend. (Locks were changed). Told him it was all going to the dumpster if still there when I returned. It was gone.
FrannyFray said:
Cut him out of the conversation and just reach out to his parents. Tell them you need all the stuff gone ASAP.
kikivee612 said:
NTA. Do you really think it’s a good idea to have him come in your house? If you haven’t done so, you need to change your locks and cut all contact with him. He’s drinking which makes him unpredictable and being pregnant makes you vulnerable. He’s not safe!! Can you contact his parents and have them come get his things? Do not allow yourself to be alone with this man!!
throwaway798319 said:
NTA but do not ever let him come over to your house to pick up his stuff. Pregnancy is a time when abuse tends to escalate