'AITA for not forgiving my sister-in-law for ruining my dress/proposal at my brother's wedding?'
↵"AITA for not forgiving my sister-in-law for ruining my dress/proposal at my brother's wedding?"
I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (John-25m) for 3 years. My brother (Jack) and his (now wife-Cathy) got married 2 weeks ago. From what I've been told, Jack and Cathy kept asking John about when he was going to propose to me and suggested he did it at the reception at their wedding.
John wasn't sure at first, mainly due to the taboo of wedding proposals, but Cathy insisted. My brother also said it would be cute and that they'd tell the photographer so we could get some pictures specifically of us.
Well, John proposed. My brother got on stage and said John had something special to say. He got on one knee and popped the question. I said yes. This is where things go wrong.
Only Jack, Cathy and John knew about the proposal and Cathy's sister (Amy-25f) was not pleased that John asked me at her sister's wedding, despite it being literally prompted by my brother on the dance floor. Amy has always been intense and was honestly, more of a "bridezilla" than Cathy was.
After I said yes and the crowd kind of dissipated, John and I were having pictures taken by the photographer (again, who was instructed by the bride and groom). Amy came up to me and threw a glass of red wine on my dress, she called me a leech for using the photographer and said the whole thing was tacky.
Cathy tried to calm her down, but the damage was done. My dress was ruined, and I was humiliated. Cathy and John got a small selection of sample photos and was showing the family (me, John, Amy and both sets of parents).
In one of the pictures, I’m awkwardly holding a blanket over my stomach, trying to cover the wine stain. Amy didn’t say anything in person, but later she texted me a half-hearted apology like "sorry things got heated."
She keeps referring to it as "one mistake" and that she was "protecting her sister." I told her I don't forgive her and now things are awkward. We all live fairly close and have family dinners often. Amy has stopped showing up if John and I are going. My brother says I should just forgive Amy because it's making things tense but I'm waiting for a full, real apology. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mediocre-Victory-565 said:
NTA - even IF Amy's actions could be justified - why were you the 'villain' and not your BF/fiancé? HE proposed to you, so if she wanted revenge, why wouldn't she throw the wine on him? It royally pisses me off that the woman always gets the blame for the man's actions.
BTW, Amy was totally and completely out of line and caused a way bigger scene than your BF since the bride & groom encouraged the proposal. Amy is the AH and you deserve a huge apology. So does the married couple.
LissaBryan said:
She definitely was not "protecting" her sister. If she had thrown the wine on you before the proposal and prevented it, she might be able to argue it was "protecting" her sister's event from being sidetracked. Her actions were revenge or punishment for what she felt was a misdeed on your part. NTA.
zyzmog said:
NTA. If the offense was a big, public offense, then the apology should be a big, public apology. None of this weak, private, half-assed, "I'm sorry IF" baloney. Hold out for the real apology. And make sure someone lets her know.
Individual_Metal_983 said:
NTA it was pretty obvious that this proposal was with the collusion of the couple because your brother invited him up. She never checked. She decided she knew best. Her apology is not sincere and she has I assume not replaced the dress. She ruined a special moment. You are not obliged to forgive her.
If real, I find it fascinating that she lashed out at the propose instead of the proposer. I'll take women responsible for men's behavior for $1000, Alex. NTA.
catskilkid said:
NTA. When you swing big a throw a glass of wine at someone in public a WEAK apology is NO apology. She went for the drama and didn't think about the circumstances or to get her fact right, so she DOES NOT DESERVE to save face with the BS apology.
If SIL can't do this it is STILL on her and the family ought to see that and convey it and then your SIL can live a fiend or try to reemerge as honestly sorry and ready to rejoin the family.