'AITA for not going to my BF’s family Christmas after what his sister said?'
"AITA for not going to my BF’s family Christmas after what his sister said?"
I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a little over a year. Things are generally good and I’ve met his family a few times, including his sister. At Thanksgiving, his sister made a comment about how I “don’t really seem like the type who sticks around long term” and laughed it off like it was a joke. It caught me off guard, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to cause drama at the table.
Later, I mentioned it to my boyfriend and told him it bothered me. He said she probably didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s “just blunt.” I let it go, but it still didn’t sit right with me.
Now Christmas is coming up and his family invited me to stay with them for a few days. I told my boyfriend I wasn’t comfortable going and would rather spend Christmas with my own family this year. He’s upset and says I’m overreacting and putting him in an awkward position.
I’m not trying to make him choose sides. I just don’t want to spend multiple days with someone who already made it clear she doesn’t respect me. AITA for skipping his family Christmas because of this?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Irishwol said:
This is your boyfriend of less than twelve months and you're expected to blow off your own family for his for both Thanksgiving AND Christmas? WTF? Go celebrate with your family because you love them, not to show anyone else. You can go to his for New Year's.
BefuddledPolydactyls said:
If you actually prefer to spend time with your own family, fine. If you're refusing to go to his parents because of something his sister said (which neither he nor his parents have control over), you're overreacting.
ZarinZi said:
Assuming that your boyfriend is supportive, I'd just make a joke out of it. Every time you visit, tell the sister "Still here! Gotta keep sticking around!" and laugh like it's the biggest joke ever.
JupiterSWarrior said:
NTA. Though your boyfriend should be more supportive.
Ontas said:
NTA, and you don't need more reasons than you simply prefer spending Christmas with your family, you aren't married and you have only been together for a year so it actually makes more sense to do things that way.
About her sister's comment, I take you don't know her well, it could have been a mean comment or it could have been a foot in mouth without any ill intention on her part, but it's yet another reason to skip the longer than one evening big family reunions until you all know each other better.
Ordinary-Audience363 said:
NTA, but not going could make his sister think she's right. If you are so sensitive about that stupid off-the-cuff remark, maybe she has a point?
PeakDifferent8291 said:
NTA — don’t go! Everyone telling you otherwise is not in your shoes. Turn the tables and invite him over to spend time with your family over Christmas, and see how he reacts…
Bo_bad_1113 said:
NTA I wouldn’t want to go either but you’re kind of proving her right by not going. In her mind at least. Be the bigger person and don’t let her get under your skin.