"AITA for not helping my coworker?"
I work remotely on a small team. My boss is also a childhood friend, but I don’t get special treatment and I’m well-liked at work.
A few months ago we hired “Cat." She was supposed to help take on some of the recurring projects that normally bury me, including a monthly report (“Project X”). So I trained her for months, and we connected really well outside of work. We became definitive friends, and she called me "her person."
The important parts: we became close, and she became well versed on Project X. One week, leadership gave us new requirements for X and wanted a demo by Friday. After the meeting, my boss pulled us into a post-meeting meeting to recap the plan in a more actionable sense. Afterward, Cat DMed me asking for more clarity. I recapped the steps in another way.
But before she could ask more I got pulled into an urgent meeting for a different project (“Y”) that had to be finished by morning. I told her I couldn’t keep helping with X today and she could either get started or wait for me. Project Y took me until midnight to finish. So my boss gave me the next day off, after I log in and submit Y.
But when I logged in that morning, another project (“Z”) had blown up. I was the only one who knew how it worked, so I had to handle it immediately. While I was knee-deep in that, Cat messaged again asking for help on Project X.
At this point, I knew I wouldn't be able to help her that day. We couldn’t afford to lose a whole day of progress either. I told her I had spent the entire night on Y, was now stuck on Z, and just needed her to do what she could today on X, herself. I said I’d jump in tomorrow when I was available, because technically this was supposed to be my day off.
She got upset and said it was unfair for me to “make her do all of Project X by herself” because she didn’t know as much as me. I reminded her she had all the same information I did, and it isn't like I've had time to even think through step 1 yet. She sent a vomit emoji and said I “never help her", which is the opposite of the truth.
I've spent months training her and even dedicated an hour most mornings to help her with her stuff. I told her I didn’t know how to respond, that I needed to get Z done right now, and that I’d ask our boss to reach out and clarify whatever she needs. She replied “Fine” and stopped talking to me entirely.
She then badmouthed me to coworkers for being unhelpful. Meanwhile, it took me the full day to finish Z and I stayed late just to send her data for Project X that I knew we'd need. Boss had given her directions, and he pulled me off X entirely because it was time for her to graduate into doing it herself anyway.
But she's ignored me for months both at work and outside of work. I told my boss but haven’t said anything to defend myself because I don’t want work drama. Meanwhile I keep replaying it in my head wondering if I actually did something wrong.
AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
iseeisayibe wrote:
NTA clearly.
Why did you add all of the AITA tags at the end?
OP responded:
Because I don't post much and was trying to make sure I was within guidelines. It said something about a judgment section so I took a guess that it wanted me to list out the options. Worst case, it's just a reminder. But then I got the judgment message on my inbox and it clicked.
IcyAssistance5117 wrote:
Copy what you have written above, with correct names and forward to your boss. Your professional reputation is at risk due to someone eases inability to do the job they were hired to do.
If it is a small company probably not got HR, but if you do show them as well. What you have written is clear and compassionate. However, fear of workplace drama can put you in a vulnerable situation. You need to defend yourself asap.
notfbiinformat wrote:
NTA. Work friendships are tough especially if there’s some dependence on one person. When the dynamic changes, all bets are off.
Counther wrote:
It sounds like Cat was used to your presence on the project and when you suddenly weren’t available, she panicked and then couldn’t get herself together. It explains everything about her behavior.
Her response was understandable for about 5 minutes, but then she should have gotten to work. Instead she acted childish and unprofessional, and she demonstrated that she doesn’t have what it takes to do the job she was hired for.
LastImagination8748 wrote:
Honestly NTA I have had so many of these type of co-workers who basically want you to do their work and really didn’t pay attention to anything you trained them on! So now she is freaking out and wants you to save her!
She needs to sink or swim! You have done enough for her!
JolyonFolkett wrote:
NTA if the person can't do project X then they ain't Matthew Broderick and they ain't fit for the job. Boss needs them to shape up. It isn't your company or your money and you aren't a charity for lazy overpaid employees either.