"AITA for not inviting my husband's family to Christmas?"
I 30 (f) have been married to my husband (34) for 2 years. We recently had a baby who is almost 2 months old. Because of our newborn we did not spend Thanksgiving with anyone and chose to stay home. We both have large families.
I am still healing from giving birth and I’d really like to see my immediate family for Christmas. I told my husband and we agreed to invite them over. His parents called and asked if we’d be going to their house for Christmas (they typically host his immediate family). My husband told them no and we’d be hosting our own Christmas.
His parents then texted me asking what they should bring to Christmas. I politely told them they were not invited. They told me they want to see their grandchild and I told them I understood that but that they were not invited to the house that day. His mom then proceeded to tell me I’m manipulating her son and keeping her grandchild away and I’m a horrible wife and mother.
I just responded by saying thank you because I didn’t know what else to say. My husband didn’t know she texted me until after he got home from work. He understands my point but I just know he feels like he’s stuck in the middle. We are having very limited people and I am not close to his family. I don’t like his mom and I don’t want to be with them while I’m healing. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
DeliciousQuantity968 said:
This kind of reads like you have no intentions of letting his family meet your baby. I'm sure you have reasons for not liking his mom but when you get married you marry the family to and completely excluding them is quite rude and really not fair to your husband.
I don't like my husbands family either but we still see them every Christmas because thats just what you do when your married. YTA in this situation based on the information given.
ImpossibleReason2204 said:
YTA. It would have been simple enough to say "We're just staying home this year". Instead you made them feel left out. But what do you care? You don't like them anyway.
Spiritual_Truth_5152 said:
YTA. You're okay with seeing your family, but not his so of course he feels caught in the middle. And to them, you've given no real explanation why they can't come other than you're still recovering. But you've recovered enough to see your family.
They are asking what they can bring to your house, so it doesn't seem like they are expecting you to cater to them. You're just saying no to them and yes to your family. You're hiding behind the "oh, I'm still healing" excuse but you said the quiet part out loud. You don't like his mom.
MidnightAngel96 said:
YTA - I understand that you're not fond of his mother but she IS his mother and your child's grandmother. not to mention it seems like you're playing favorites. Why not have your parents in the morning and his parents in the afternoon for a few hours?
PorchSwing24 said:
YTA. I don't buy the healing excuse. Your child is 2 months old and you're entitled to be tired, but having the baby's grandparents stop by for a visit is not going to impact your "healing."
Don't invite them for dinner if you don't want to, but I understand the MIL thinking they would be included, and it was nice of her to ask what she could bring. I imagine there's more to the story than her going off on you about manipulating her son.
Mmm_Lychees said:
YTA. It’s been two months and you’re inviting your family over. This is about not liking your in laws, not healing. Your husband and child have the right to spend time with his family too.
After reading the comments, OP updated the post to include:
My husband came into our room and asked to talk to me. He said his mom called about Christmas while I was feeding the baby and told him how awful of a wife and mother she thinks I am and how she has rights as the child grandparent.
My husband said she kept arguing with him and he got so frustrated he told her to take us to court if she thinks she has rights (in our state there is no grandparents rights).
While we were talking about my phone started to get a lot of messages. It was just her texting me that I’m awful and it’s my fault. He asked me to block her and said he told her he would be the only person she should contact moving forward and that he won’t be going over there this weekend anymore.