'AITA for not letting my girlfriend's mother into my apartment?'

"AITA for not letting my girlfriend's mother into my apartment?"

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We started dating in high school when we were 15. We're now 19 and live together in my apartment. Recently, her mother decided to visit us, but I told her I didn't want her in my apartment.

Just so you understand, this woman has been ruining our lives and our relationship the entire time my GF and I were together. She forbade us from seeing each other, so my girlfriend had to lie and say she was going to see her friends so we could see each other.

She hated me for no reason, saying I am crazy because I dyed my hair black and that I had mental issues because I didn't smile in photos. You know, this is complete nonsense. I'm not a junkie or a freak. I come from a normal family, I'm finishing college and have a well-paying job, but she doesn't care at all.

The first time I saw her in person was when I was walking my girlfriend home. She and my girlfriend's father apparently went out to the store (her dad, by the way, is a cool and chill guy), and we had a conversation that went something like this:

"You know, you shouldn't worry about her like that. She got a bad grade at school today." To which I replied, "You know, I still love her, no matter what grades she gets." Her mom launched into a five-minute lecture about how I shouldn't throw around such words, because girls take them literally. She was too dense to realize that we were dating and genuinely in love. We'd been together for over a year at that point.

Another time, I had severe food poisoning, vomiting farther than I could see, and ended up being taken away in an ambulance with a fever of 105 degrees Fahrenheit (41 degrees Celsius) while vomiting blood. Because I vomited so much, my mucous membranes and gastrointestinal tract were severely damaged, and Streptococcus bacteria entered my bloodstream, causing sepsis and septicemia.

My girlfriend's mother forbade her from visiting me while I was lying there, literally dying, because she "doesn't want her to get infected" (sepsis is not contagious). I could go on and on with this list, but in short, she was always trying to sabotage our relationship and was a terrible mother in general.

And recently, when my girlfriend and I finally moved in together, she decided she could come to MY house whenever she wanted. I told her I didn't want her anywhere near my house and that she wasn't welcome there. In the end, my girlfriend got offended and said I was an ahole.

I understand you can't choose your parents, but am I really that much of an ahole? Thanks for reading this. I think I just needed to vent. I'd love to read your responses.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

sc0tth said:

YTA. If your girlfriend lives there, it's her house too. She gets a say in who can come in. Think about it, if her Mother wants to sabotage your relationship, you just handed her a bunch of ammo, because your girlfriend is siding with her mother and not you.

keesouth said:

YTA. You and your GF started dating when you where children and quite frankly the way you've written this still makes you sound like a child. This is entirely from your point of view and seems to ignore that fact that she may have been trying to protect her daughter early on.

You're also ignoring the fact that's it's your gf's house too. If you're really serious about your GF you need to try and establish a new and adult relationship with the person that will eventually be your MIL.

pommefille said:

YTA for two reasons: First, it sounds like you’re saying that her mom was concerned that you were distracting her from her schoolwork, and you brushed it aside. It should be important for each of you to be as educated as possible and not try to restrict her learning or make her dependent on you.

If her grades were suffering because of you, that’s a valid concern. Second, it is her home too, and each of you should have a say in visitors, you don’t get to call it "your" place if she’s living there. This is sounding borderline abusive, making her reliant on you, trying to cut her off from family, and the controlling language of calling the shared space "yours," as it should be thought of as "ours" now.

FakeBot-3000 said:

YTA because it is also your GF's apartment. Based on her reaction you didn't make that decision together. The way you feel about her mother is justified and you are right to feel protective and wary around her. I am only stating for the reason asked you are the ahole but you aren't an ahole for your feelings.

I think it would be fair of you to talk to your GF and explain why this is an issue for you and why you don't think the mother should be allowed to come over, but you should make the decision as a team.

Deep-Okra1461 said:

NTA I'm going to be generous to your gf and say that maybe she has spent so much time around her mom that your girlfriend thinks this is acceptable behavior from her mom. As for her mom, I think her mom is STILL trying to break the two of you up. I don't think she has ever accepted you. But your gf doesn't see that.

ComprehensiveSet927 said:

YTA. It’s your girlfriend’s home too. Agree to plan ahead for her visits and leave the house. Figure out a way to have an adult relationship, let go of years old grudges, and have a civil relationship with your GF’s mother.

gfdoctor said:

YTA. It is not just your home, it is your girlfriend's home too. She gets to decide whether or not her mom is welcome to be there. You can certainly say that mom is only permitted to be there when your girlfriend is home, but you cannot prevent your girlfriend from having her mom visit if she desires it.